I don't claim to be perfect. Hell, if you ask me what's wrong, you better pull up a chair and get comfortable, because I'm about to list every little detail that could possibly be wrong with with me. And I'll defend them at the same time, just to keep you on your toes.
Like most of us in the quest for understanding ourselves, I've tried to fit myself into nice little categories. I've taken personality tests, read about astrology and birth order, compared introvert vs. extrovert and stared at a glass of water just to try figure out how full it was.
Turns out, my mood changes. It really does depend on timing and while I may get a certain result one day, I will get a different result on a different day. This, mind you, is normal. I've accepted that I am a complex creature, are as most humans, and embraced it.
This willingness to allow myself to evolve and adapt has led to a much firmer understanding. Regardless of what personality trait I'm rocking during a certain day, there's a few things that never change. One, for example, is that I simply don't like people that are mean to others. Reasoning or not, I don't appreciate it.
Hence why I'm a little testy today. I read an article this morning on Elite Daily by Ashley Fern titled "23 Reasons Why Passive Aggressive People Actually Just Suck at Life" (click here for article). I tend to be a little passive aggressive (the main reason I don't watch reality TV), so I decided to read it, thinking it would be some funny article about how hard it is to be passive aggressive in today's society.
Haha. Ha.
Instead, I'm feeling a little aggressive. Never one to be backed into a corner, I'm going to use the brain and mouth that I was blessed with to set the record straight. If this article was meant to be funny, it missed the mark. It's not funny. It's mean.
Ashley Fern is clearly not a passive aggressive person, which makes me wonder why in the hell she was writing this article to begin with. Except, if she simply doesn't like passive aggressive people for the 23 reasons she listed {p.s. that's a lot of fricken' reasons}.
What is the opposite of passive aggressive, anyway? Is it simply aggressive? As with personalities, I don't believe there are defined levels of aggression that we simply fit into. However, I have met some aggressive people, and while I didn't particularly care for them, I simply stayed away from them. I didn't write an article on why they "literally just suck." Cite my passive aggressive nature. Or call it being a decent human being.
Instead of speaking for all passive aggressive folks out there, I'm
going to speak for me and give a little lesson on what goes on in my
brain.
Of the 23 points, 20 of them are complete bullshit. The other 3 are true in a sense, but not in the context provided. Also, I have a feeling that the author may have met quite a few people in her life that have reacted to her this way, not because they are passive aggressive, but because they simply didn't like her.
So here's my response, in the justified 23 point form.
1. I do make eye contact when having a conversation. It's a sign of respect. If someone doesn't look at you when you talk to them, chances are they don't want to be talking to you. Take the hint.
2. It's a little intimidating and exhausting trying to ensure a harmonious balance to the universe at all times. Most of the time, I try to solve problems internally. This can be a little much, so I go to my trusted friends as a sounding board. Even if I know what should be done, if it requires complications and hurt feelings, I'll dig in my heels and entertain any other possible solution. This can lead to complaining. I think this is okay to do once in a while. {Note: If every time someone comes to you to vent and you get annoyed, they might not be the issue.}
3. I have an incredibly hard time expressing my emotions to people. Here's why: they are my emotions and my problems. There is simply no reason to get others involved. When I get upset, I need to crawl in a hole for a minute by myself and internally deal with what's going on. The worst thing you can do is corner me and force me to verbalize how I'm feeling. People have tried this with me. It didn't help. What came out was mostly gibberish, followed my a look of concern that wasn't necessary. I don't even know what I'm feeling, so how in the hell am I supposed to communicate that to someone else?
4 & 5. I am an extremely trusting person. I am a great listener and sounding board and will gladly hand out advice to any that ask. Just because I have trouble with my own emotions doesn't make me impervious to the feelings of others. If anything, I can provide both a logical and emotional viewpoint that comes from years of internally compartmentalizing my own situations. Also, trust issues go both ways.
6. As with the internal battle, the solution to most issues will also be internal. Again, it's resolved in my head, so it's resolved in my world. No, I don't necessarily feel the need to walk around, waving like I'm in a parade and announce that all is okay. However, if you need closure, you can simply ask me if everything is okay.
7 & 16. I do leave notes. I prefer texting or emails to phone calls. It's easier to communicate my feelings through writing than words. Why? Good question. It's just easier for me to present myself in this medium. There's less pressure to look, act and react in a certain way. It doesn't mean you can't approach me and talk to me (although I do screen my calls). It sure as hell doesn't mean I expect you to change your communication style just to accommodate me.
8, 9 & 21. I can say no. I can say yes. I can make decisions. Most of the time, I literally just don't care. I am a go-with-the-flow kind of person and would rather let other people lead the way. It's okay to not have an opinion about every single little thing. Likewise, it's okay to not share your opinion about every single little thing. You can call it agreeable or being passive. I consider it being open-minded and not getting my panties in a bunch over ridiculous things. I'm owning it either way.
10 & 11. Okay, so I tend to try hide problems under the rug. I'm confessing to this one. Unless there is a clear and easy path of least resistance in which everyone comes out happy, then I'm gonna need a while to figure out another solution. I prefer to call it procrastination, which isn't much better. I will figure it out and fix it in my own time and my own way. If you try to push me through this process, prepare for a complete shutdown in which nothing will happen. Ever.
12. I tend to talk the talk but refuse to walk the walk. Why? I'm immediately pissed, then I sort through my feelings and come to a resolution. I do realize that some of the things I say could get to people I might not want to hear it, but I have always owned up to that, without excuse. Luckily, I have a solid support group that understands this and loves me anyway. {Note: If it's a normal occurrence that people are talking shit behind your back, you might want to start listening to what they're saying.}
13. I can explode, but it's not normally from holding in my emotions. It's from being poked and prodded by people demanding something of me that I literally can't give them. Like the hissing of a fuse, I give gentle warnings. Keep poking. Then you'll really know how I feel. Probably for the last time, too, since I won't see the need to have that type of negative behavior infiltrate my rosy little world again.
14 & 15. I don't expect any one to read my mind. In fact, can you just not? If I want to tell you something, I will. If I don't and you suspect something is wrong, leave it be. It's not your issue. It's mine. If I'm mad at you, I'll get sarcastic and rude to let you know that you're not my favorite person. However, know that most likely, it has nothing to do with you personally and that I am just plain cranky. Leave it alone. Don't poke the bear.
17 & 18. I would prefer to stay out of an argument between others. I simply don't have the energy, unless I can bring the two sides to a compromise. I tend to know when my opinion isn't warranted or needed. Also known as, I don't stick my nose where it doesn't belong.
19. If I come to you to talk, listen up. It is a very difficult thing for me to do and will take a lot of bravery on my part. It's a one shot deal. Want to know how I'm feeling or what I'm thinking? I'm about to lay it all out on the table and walk away. Your reaction will speak volumes about you.
20. I am not a victim, even when more aggressive folks try to make me feel like one. If you get the sense that everyone around is feeling victimized, maybe they are, by you. Mean Girls, anyone??
22. I tend to say what I mean and mean what I say. As I've already covered, if I'm telling you what I'm feeling, I've put a lot of effort into it and it's the real deal. There's been an entire internal diagnosis happening before I ever opened my mouth. Having said that, and relating to items 4, 5, 12, 15, 17 and 18, I fear the author has some misplaced trust issues.
23. Covered this one. Done. And done. Soooo done.
Now that I've vented and defended myself (or was that complaining?), I'm feeling a little foolish. If I didn't also reaffirm the confidence I should have in myself, it would have been waste of my time.
My feelings and emotions are mine. When I give them to something, I give it all. This take a lot of energy and trust, two things I hold dear. Therefore, I am very picky about when I divulge them. If you know me and you get that, thank you. If you're currently judging me, I'm nodding and smiling for you.
Because while I may be passive aggressive, I'm not fond of arrogance and conceitedness, particularly when used to attack an entire group of people that just want to be left alone.
But then again, that's just how I feel....
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