Stick a Fork in Me: I'm Done

When you know, you just know.

I knew before, but after this weekend, I'm 1000% completely irreversibly negative doubt DONE.

He was adorable, absolutely beautiful. He smelled like perfection, spit-up and all. And when he cuddled up and fell asleep on my chest, I almost started crying at how much I loved him.

But never once did it cross my mind that I might want another baby. In fact, I thought about the midnight feedings and the constant messy diapers and changing shirts and the 24-hour attention required for a newborn and I thanked my lucky stars that I wasn't going down that road anymore.

I looked at my three beautiful children and knew my heart was full. I had what I wanted (what I didn't know I wanted) and I didn't need anymore. Now I could be an Auntie, and that in itself is a whole different kind of joy, love and pride that I never knew I could feel.

And now I get it. When people decide not to have children, I get it. There isn't a doubt. There isn't a maybe. There is a definitive feeling of not wanting that.

Everyone assumed that I would want another baby after holding my nephew. Nope. I'm done. I'm glad I was fixed and I'm not looking back.

But with me, already having three children of my own, people don't question it. They just shrug and say "ok." I don't have to explain myself.

However, remove those three children, and the conversation wouldn't be over. I'd end up having to defend every single aspect of my life, my goals and dreams, my personality and basically try to convince someone why I'm not the spawn of Satan for not wanting to procreate.

That would suck. And it would probably get annoying and I would probably get a little snippy and sarcastic about it and then people would think "wow, maybe it's a good thing she's not having kids," because clearly I'd be a bad mother anyway. And then they'd walk away with that rational and be perfectly happy with it.

That wouldn't just suck. It would be horrifying.

So to all the people out there (especially women) that have decided not to have children: I apologize on behalf of humanity. And I hear ya'.

And to all the families out there that have decided they are complete: massive air high-five. We've earned it and damned be anyone that tries to change out mind. Besides, perfection can only be achieved so many times.

And finally, to anyone that personally makes it their mission to understand why someone doesn't have children: keep your thoughts to yourself. Because unless you've been there, you might not understand.