I went to the store the other day. I know I did. I bought food. I promise. Yet once again, we seem to be out of everything and are on the verge of starvation (that little added drama was for my husband. Love you honey!).
We are a family of 5. I could break that down and let you know that it's 2 adults, a kindergartener, a toddler and an infant. However, that doesn't really matter. That would imply that the children eat less - an assumption I had with my first child. On the contrary, as any parent will tell you, the kids eat the most in the house.
When we had one young child, we could spend $50 at the store a week and be perfectly fine. That bill is now up to about $120, something that is still pretty darn good in the grand scheme of things. What we spend money on has changed as well. Did you know that a gallon of 1% milk is about $3.50? Or a dozen eggs is about $1.80? These are things I consider necessities, and they hardly go on sale. Fruit is also expensive and rarely has sales.
And that's just food. Add in diapers ($20 for a box of about 100, not bad when you break it down), wipes ($5 for about 120, still, not bad), and clothing (a pair of jeans for my son, who is 5, can easily be $20), and well, you can see how watching finances with kids can lead to drinking (FYI, a 12-pack of beer is about $13).
But this article isn't to complain about the price of food or anything else. I'm not looking for nor offering advice on how to save some money. The prices are as they are and in the end we need these things so why worry about the price. My point is the sheer volume of what we need to sustain a family of 5.
Here's an example of a typical grocery list for our home:
Milk - 2 gallons - 1% and whole (which probably won't last until the end of the week)
Eggs - 2 dozen
Bagels - 2 (these always seem to be on sale)
Bread - 1 loaf (in case I don't feel like baking bread, which is a common feeling)
Yogurt - 1 tub of either vanilla or plain (may not last the week)
Applesauce - 1 large jar of natural (may not last the week either)
apples - 3 (won't last the week)
bananas - 1 bunch, about 5 (won't last the week)
oranges - 3
onion
green peppers - 3
tomato
asparagus, leafy vegetable, carrots, etc - if on sale. If not, maybe next time.
pineapple, watermelon, other melons, assorted berries - if on sale.
shredded cheese - 1 bag, more if on sale
butter - 1 lb. (if needed), more if on sale
sliced cheese - 1 pack, about 16 slices, more if on sale
tortilla shells - 1 large pack
assorted pasta - 2 boxes, more if on sale
pasta sauce - 2 jars, more if on sale
spaghetti noodles
ground beef - 2 lbs, more if on sale
chicken breast - 16 oz, more if on sale
steak - 1 lb, more if on sale
cereal - 1 box, ONLY if on sale
baby food - about 10 - 15 jars ($.89 a piece, not bad but it adds up)
diapers - 1 box size 5 and 1 box size 3 (a big box like listed above lasts about 2 weeks)
frozen corn - 1 bag
mixed frozen vegetables - 1 bag
misc. frozen vegetables - if on sale
chicken nuggets - 1 bag (won't last the week, favorite food)
frozen pizza - 1 (will be eaten that night)
frozen waffles - if on sale
snack crackers or pretzels or something similar for the kids - what's cheapest or on sale
This is just a basic list of things we get pretty much every time we go. There is more depending on what our menu is for that week or what we're out of (syrup, oatmeal, peanut butter, etc). I also look for sales and if I see something that looks good, I'll buy it (like Go-Gurt or items from the all-natural aisles).
That's a lot, right? I mean, I'm not just going a little crazy, right? We plant a garden every year and have been consistently refining our storing methods, so hopefully this fall we'll have tomatoes, potatoes, green peppers, onions and maybe peas for green beans or corn that we can keep and eat during the winter. We also have an apple tree so I can make applesauce. Still. You can't grow Cheerios and while I wouldn't mind have chickens, my neighbors would.
It's such a wonder to me that I come home from the store with a trunk full of groceries and struggle to find a place for everything, only to open the pantry door a few days later and start a grocery list all over again. The worst part is that my kids are growing, meaning they'll be eating more. It will be interesting to see how many gallons of milk we have in the fridge in 10 years when our kids are 15, 12 and 11.
And then there's preparing all this food and worrying about healthy snacks and balanced meals for a growing family of 5. But that's another post for another day.
I guess, all in all, there is really only one conclusion to all of this: I need a bigger kitchen.
Friday, May 23, 2014
Thursday, May 15, 2014
May the Fear Be With You
My shop teacher in high school once told us that it's good to be afraid of the dangerous machines that were in the shop. If we were afraid, it meant we'd be more cautious. He said that he was more likely to be hurt since he was used to the machines. Ironically, he told us this to calm our fears.
The same is true with parenting.
My youngest experiences things that my oldest never would have. Not to say that I was uptight about parenting with my first, at least not at the time. Back then, I thought I had a pretty "live and let learn" parenting attitude. I baby proofed only as needed and let him learn valuable lessons on his own, i.e. "See why mommy told you not to do somersaults on the bed?"
But that was two children ago. So far, no broken bones and no stitches and the only ER visits have been due to illness. I consider that pretty lucky, especially since my children got my clumsy gene and can manage to trip over colors in the carpet or hurt themselves with a cotton ball. Now that number three has come along, I've become a lot more comfortable and a lot less cautious. No, I would never put my child in direct harm, and there have been plenty of other youngest children that have survived their old siblings (and absent-minded parents). Maybe I just trust my instincts a lot more. Maybe I've accepted that pregnancy brain - which has turned into mommy brain - is here to stay. Maybe it's my third and I simply don't care anymore (note: this is not the reason). Maybe, just maybe, I've gotten used to this whole mom thing.
I started contemplating this the other night during bath time. My youngest, a mere 7 months old, has been sitting unsupported for about a month now and has graduated out of the infant tubs. She now sits in the bathtub just like the other kids, sometimes even with the company of her 2 year old sister. I never would have done this with my first. I think he was in a baby tub until he started crawling out, around 10 month or so. Same for my middle child.
And then, the other night, it happened. My 7 month old, in the big bathtub, flipped over from a sitting position onto her tummy. Had this been my first, I would have shrieked and then sat him up, made sure he was breathing, then gotten him out of the tub and cradled him the rest of the night. Being my third, I hovered and made sure she was okay. Sure enough, after the initial shock, she splashed around, then looked up and smiled at me. Turns out my 7 month old can swim.
There is also safety in numbers. My husband always jokes that when we need someone to watch the kids that the "big one can watch the little one." We laugh about it, but little do we realize it actually happens. I will often leave all three children unattended in the living room while I run downstairs and do a quick load of laundry. If we're playing outside and I need something inside (like to check on the sleeping baby), I don't hesitate to leave them alone.
This, however, is more out of necessity than comfort in parenting. I'm not about to drag three kids and a laundry basket down a flight of stairs with me just to corral them back up the stairs three minutes later. Likewise, dragging two muddy kids inside the house just to check on a sleeping baby is a little excessive. Having three children under the age of 5 means three different sleeping schedules. If I wait for all three to be asleep, it will be 9 pm and my bedtime as well. When there was only one child and one solid sleeping schedule, I didn't have to leave him alone. Now with my third, I fear I'm becoming an absent parent.
I don't remember my shop teacher ever having an accident while I attended school there. While he was comfortable with the machines from using them on a daily basis, I like to think that his profession of teaching always let him set a good example for his students. I like to think that with parenting, I'm setting a good example for my kids. Yes, I should be more vigilant (How did you get that nose spray? Who unplugged the radio? Why is there pen on the wall and where did the pen come from?), but I'm also thankful that I'm not a constant presence of conformity for my kids. I hope they know me leaving them alone, especially with their baby sister, let's them know that I trust them.
They are, after all, good people, and I'd hate to damper their curious nature. And while I might not have been there when they earned that bump from falling off the bench, I was there to pick them up, hold them and soothe them. Something tells me they'll remember that more, anyway.
The same is true with parenting.
My youngest experiences things that my oldest never would have. Not to say that I was uptight about parenting with my first, at least not at the time. Back then, I thought I had a pretty "live and let learn" parenting attitude. I baby proofed only as needed and let him learn valuable lessons on his own, i.e. "See why mommy told you not to do somersaults on the bed?"
But that was two children ago. So far, no broken bones and no stitches and the only ER visits have been due to illness. I consider that pretty lucky, especially since my children got my clumsy gene and can manage to trip over colors in the carpet or hurt themselves with a cotton ball. Now that number three has come along, I've become a lot more comfortable and a lot less cautious. No, I would never put my child in direct harm, and there have been plenty of other youngest children that have survived their old siblings (and absent-minded parents). Maybe I just trust my instincts a lot more. Maybe I've accepted that pregnancy brain - which has turned into mommy brain - is here to stay. Maybe it's my third and I simply don't care anymore (note: this is not the reason). Maybe, just maybe, I've gotten used to this whole mom thing.
I started contemplating this the other night during bath time. My youngest, a mere 7 months old, has been sitting unsupported for about a month now and has graduated out of the infant tubs. She now sits in the bathtub just like the other kids, sometimes even with the company of her 2 year old sister. I never would have done this with my first. I think he was in a baby tub until he started crawling out, around 10 month or so. Same for my middle child.
And then, the other night, it happened. My 7 month old, in the big bathtub, flipped over from a sitting position onto her tummy. Had this been my first, I would have shrieked and then sat him up, made sure he was breathing, then gotten him out of the tub and cradled him the rest of the night. Being my third, I hovered and made sure she was okay. Sure enough, after the initial shock, she splashed around, then looked up and smiled at me. Turns out my 7 month old can swim.
There is also safety in numbers. My husband always jokes that when we need someone to watch the kids that the "big one can watch the little one." We laugh about it, but little do we realize it actually happens. I will often leave all three children unattended in the living room while I run downstairs and do a quick load of laundry. If we're playing outside and I need something inside (like to check on the sleeping baby), I don't hesitate to leave them alone.
This, however, is more out of necessity than comfort in parenting. I'm not about to drag three kids and a laundry basket down a flight of stairs with me just to corral them back up the stairs three minutes later. Likewise, dragging two muddy kids inside the house just to check on a sleeping baby is a little excessive. Having three children under the age of 5 means three different sleeping schedules. If I wait for all three to be asleep, it will be 9 pm and my bedtime as well. When there was only one child and one solid sleeping schedule, I didn't have to leave him alone. Now with my third, I fear I'm becoming an absent parent.
I don't remember my shop teacher ever having an accident while I attended school there. While he was comfortable with the machines from using them on a daily basis, I like to think that his profession of teaching always let him set a good example for his students. I like to think that with parenting, I'm setting a good example for my kids. Yes, I should be more vigilant (How did you get that nose spray? Who unplugged the radio? Why is there pen on the wall and where did the pen come from?), but I'm also thankful that I'm not a constant presence of conformity for my kids. I hope they know me leaving them alone, especially with their baby sister, let's them know that I trust them.
They are, after all, good people, and I'd hate to damper their curious nature. And while I might not have been there when they earned that bump from falling off the bench, I was there to pick them up, hold them and soothe them. Something tells me they'll remember that more, anyway.
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
The Trouble With Finding a Big Enough Soap Box
I worry about the future of humans and the world we are creating.
The internet is abuzz today with a picture of a 13-year-old entertainment heir in the same bed as a 20-year-old actor. Now before one goes any further in reading this article, a few things need to happen. First, put your big person thinking cap on and refrain from jumping to conclusions. This will require an open mind and the instinct to ask questions FIRST, without taking immediate action. I fear this process of thinking is becoming extinct in our culture, and here's why.
The photo itself is innocent enough. The 13-year-old girl is fully clothed and laying on her side at the end of the bed, possibly on the gentleman's feet, if anything. The young man is sitting up against a wall at the head of the bed, shirtless.
From this photo, I can infer pretty much only one thing and that's that the two people know each other. Oh, wait, I can't infer that. It is possible that this photo is part of a promotional shoot for a new record, movie, etc. They might not know each other beyond professional means.
According to the internet and everyone out there that feels the need to share a pointless opinion for entertainments sake, the following is being said about the photo:
1. They are dating.
2. They are dating and the parents didn't know, are now furious and wreaking havoc in their home life.
3. They are dating and the parents did know, making them the worst parenting role models to ever exist. As one article stated to the mother, "get your daughter in-line."
4. The young girl, a mere 13-years-old, is now in the infamous category of "dumb b***h."
And that's just from the few hours this morning. I shudder to think of what will be slandered about this picture over the next few days.
So what's my opinion? I think it's a picture. Are they dating? Maybe, but that's not really any of my business, is it now. There's no way to infer from the picture that they are in any sort of relationship, work-wise or other. Do her parent's know about this photo? Possibly. It's possible her parents were there when it was taken. It's possible they didn't know and are furious. Again, it's not really any of my business. If they are dating and her parents didn't know, should they be mad? I don't know, you'll have to ask her parents if it's really that important to you to know. Also, I'm not one to tell other people how to parent or feel about their children as, you know, it's their children and all. If they did know, are they bad parents and need to get their kids in line? Yeah, no, let's just not even go there. Parenting is hard enough without having a reserved slot in entertainment "news" and gossip magazines, so let's not start pointing the finger at parenting techniques, real or imagined. Are either of the people in the photo "bad" for taking such a scathing piece of optical calamity? How about we refrain from labeling people as "bad" over something that we know nothing about. Who are we to judge the actions of others while turning a blind eye to our own?
If nothing else, this little photo has shown how creative humans can be, especially when bored and/or unhappy with our own lives to the point that we have to imagine the lives of others - and then make those imaginary lives public fodder. It was Eleanor Roosevelt that said "Great minds discuss ideas, average mind discuss events and small minds discuss people." There is also the saying of "If you didn't see it with your own eyes or hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth." The bible, of course, has many verses pertaining to judging others. My favorite is John 7:24, which reads "Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgement."
I'm glad I saw this story today. It's reminded me that I have the opportunity every day to raise three very intelligent and nonjudgmental human beings. I can teach them how jumping to conclusions is a futile movement. I can show them how judging others only makes us open to the same kind of ridicule. I can instill in them a natural curiosity and the ability to ask questions first and to seek to understand. Most importantly, I will let them know that while they may have an opinion about every situation, their opinion is not always right - or, for that matter - important. I hope they will be able to discern the difference in when their opinion will be shared for the greater good and promote progress rather than to hear their own voice.
As for the picture, whatever. I'll be thinking about it all day, I'm sure, but not because of the controversy. I'll be thinking about the people and families involved and sending them positive thoughts in hopes they can rise above whatever controversy has come to them.
And if it is all staged in attempt to get attention? Well, who am I to judge? I am, after all, writing a blog about it in hopes that people will read it.
The internet is abuzz today with a picture of a 13-year-old entertainment heir in the same bed as a 20-year-old actor. Now before one goes any further in reading this article, a few things need to happen. First, put your big person thinking cap on and refrain from jumping to conclusions. This will require an open mind and the instinct to ask questions FIRST, without taking immediate action. I fear this process of thinking is becoming extinct in our culture, and here's why.
The photo itself is innocent enough. The 13-year-old girl is fully clothed and laying on her side at the end of the bed, possibly on the gentleman's feet, if anything. The young man is sitting up against a wall at the head of the bed, shirtless.
From this photo, I can infer pretty much only one thing and that's that the two people know each other. Oh, wait, I can't infer that. It is possible that this photo is part of a promotional shoot for a new record, movie, etc. They might not know each other beyond professional means.
According to the internet and everyone out there that feels the need to share a pointless opinion for entertainments sake, the following is being said about the photo:
1. They are dating.
2. They are dating and the parents didn't know, are now furious and wreaking havoc in their home life.
3. They are dating and the parents did know, making them the worst parenting role models to ever exist. As one article stated to the mother, "get your daughter in-line."
4. The young girl, a mere 13-years-old, is now in the infamous category of "dumb b***h."
And that's just from the few hours this morning. I shudder to think of what will be slandered about this picture over the next few days.
So what's my opinion? I think it's a picture. Are they dating? Maybe, but that's not really any of my business, is it now. There's no way to infer from the picture that they are in any sort of relationship, work-wise or other. Do her parent's know about this photo? Possibly. It's possible her parents were there when it was taken. It's possible they didn't know and are furious. Again, it's not really any of my business. If they are dating and her parents didn't know, should they be mad? I don't know, you'll have to ask her parents if it's really that important to you to know. Also, I'm not one to tell other people how to parent or feel about their children as, you know, it's their children and all. If they did know, are they bad parents and need to get their kids in line? Yeah, no, let's just not even go there. Parenting is hard enough without having a reserved slot in entertainment "news" and gossip magazines, so let's not start pointing the finger at parenting techniques, real or imagined. Are either of the people in the photo "bad" for taking such a scathing piece of optical calamity? How about we refrain from labeling people as "bad" over something that we know nothing about. Who are we to judge the actions of others while turning a blind eye to our own?
If nothing else, this little photo has shown how creative humans can be, especially when bored and/or unhappy with our own lives to the point that we have to imagine the lives of others - and then make those imaginary lives public fodder. It was Eleanor Roosevelt that said "Great minds discuss ideas, average mind discuss events and small minds discuss people." There is also the saying of "If you didn't see it with your own eyes or hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth." The bible, of course, has many verses pertaining to judging others. My favorite is John 7:24, which reads "Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgement."
I'm glad I saw this story today. It's reminded me that I have the opportunity every day to raise three very intelligent and nonjudgmental human beings. I can teach them how jumping to conclusions is a futile movement. I can show them how judging others only makes us open to the same kind of ridicule. I can instill in them a natural curiosity and the ability to ask questions first and to seek to understand. Most importantly, I will let them know that while they may have an opinion about every situation, their opinion is not always right - or, for that matter - important. I hope they will be able to discern the difference in when their opinion will be shared for the greater good and promote progress rather than to hear their own voice.
As for the picture, whatever. I'll be thinking about it all day, I'm sure, but not because of the controversy. I'll be thinking about the people and families involved and sending them positive thoughts in hopes they can rise above whatever controversy has come to them.
And if it is all staged in attempt to get attention? Well, who am I to judge? I am, after all, writing a blog about it in hopes that people will read it.
Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/small_minds.html#aX1PmHQB4jrbpoXl.99
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/small_minds.html#aX1PmHQB4jrbpoXl.99
Thursday, May 1, 2014
The Potty Training Diaries: Part II
I had it so easy. It was going great. I could see the homestretch and was counting down the months to when diapers would no longer exist in our house.
And then the wet spots started.
My daughter, who'd been using her little potty set up in the living room, came to me one day holding wet underwear. An accident. No big deal. We'll clean it up, put on new underwear, and be on our way. I had expected regression in this process. To expect anything less would have been insanity.
What I encountered over the next few weeks, however, was not a regression but a full on attack of rogue bodily functions. Not only did my daughter decide that she didn't want to go in the potty, she also didn't want to wear diapers, pull-ups or underwear. Basically, she was going wild, running around naked and going to the bathroom where she pleased.
To join in the fun, my 5 year old, who has been struggling with potty training for a few years now, also decided that he didn't quite like using the potty either since his sister apparently didn't have to. My only saving grace with him is that he was kind enough to go in his pants, not directly on the floor, and he knew better to clean it up himself.
I began asking myself "What is wrong with my daughter? How could she suddenly change her mind?"
After watching her behavior for a few days to try figure this out, it started to become apparent that I should be asking "Where had I gone wrong?"
I realized that yes, while I was training her, she was also training me. True, I had more experience in this area, but maybe she knew a lot more about it than I was giving her credit for.
The key for both of them, I found out, was the reward system. They simply weren't happy with the small M&Ms they would get for going in the potty. They wanted more, and were holding my carpet at ransom until more was delivered.
I weighed this in my head. At one point I thought "I'm the parent. I'll just wait it out and force her to use the potty the right way, without giving in and handing out bigger treats." This was immediately followed by a "Yeah right," moment when my logic stepped in and I realized I had no patience and that she was much more stubborn and determined than I was.
After all, it's just a treat, and it's not like she'll be calling me from college and asking for a treat because she went pee in the potty. She's 2. She can have a bigger treat if it means there will be no more surprises on the floor.
I am happy to report that we are now using the potty, including the big one in the bathroom! Turns out that when I gave her a little grace, she gave some back. She's a smart cookie, this one.
The moral of this story is that I had the entire process mapped out in my head and only made it to step 2. And that's okay. This little detour helped me understand that she is the one learning to go potty, so she calls the shots when it comes to how long it's going to take and what kind of pit stops we'll have along the way. Just like she needs to listen to me when I tell her how to do things, I need to listen to her so I can understand how she wants to do things.
This parenting thing is more of a two-way street than I bargained for, and that makes me happy. It means my children can think for themselves and fight for what they want. Today that's something as little as a bigger potty treat. Tomorrow it could be something much greater, like the rights of others.
Considering the big picture, I'm not even upset anymore that I have to spend a weekend cleaning carpets.
And then the wet spots started.
My daughter, who'd been using her little potty set up in the living room, came to me one day holding wet underwear. An accident. No big deal. We'll clean it up, put on new underwear, and be on our way. I had expected regression in this process. To expect anything less would have been insanity.
What I encountered over the next few weeks, however, was not a regression but a full on attack of rogue bodily functions. Not only did my daughter decide that she didn't want to go in the potty, she also didn't want to wear diapers, pull-ups or underwear. Basically, she was going wild, running around naked and going to the bathroom where she pleased.
To join in the fun, my 5 year old, who has been struggling with potty training for a few years now, also decided that he didn't quite like using the potty either since his sister apparently didn't have to. My only saving grace with him is that he was kind enough to go in his pants, not directly on the floor, and he knew better to clean it up himself.
I began asking myself "What is wrong with my daughter? How could she suddenly change her mind?"
After watching her behavior for a few days to try figure this out, it started to become apparent that I should be asking "Where had I gone wrong?"
I realized that yes, while I was training her, she was also training me. True, I had more experience in this area, but maybe she knew a lot more about it than I was giving her credit for.
The key for both of them, I found out, was the reward system. They simply weren't happy with the small M&Ms they would get for going in the potty. They wanted more, and were holding my carpet at ransom until more was delivered.
I weighed this in my head. At one point I thought "I'm the parent. I'll just wait it out and force her to use the potty the right way, without giving in and handing out bigger treats." This was immediately followed by a "Yeah right," moment when my logic stepped in and I realized I had no patience and that she was much more stubborn and determined than I was.
After all, it's just a treat, and it's not like she'll be calling me from college and asking for a treat because she went pee in the potty. She's 2. She can have a bigger treat if it means there will be no more surprises on the floor.
I am happy to report that we are now using the potty, including the big one in the bathroom! Turns out that when I gave her a little grace, she gave some back. She's a smart cookie, this one.
The moral of this story is that I had the entire process mapped out in my head and only made it to step 2. And that's okay. This little detour helped me understand that she is the one learning to go potty, so she calls the shots when it comes to how long it's going to take and what kind of pit stops we'll have along the way. Just like she needs to listen to me when I tell her how to do things, I need to listen to her so I can understand how she wants to do things.
This parenting thing is more of a two-way street than I bargained for, and that makes me happy. It means my children can think for themselves and fight for what they want. Today that's something as little as a bigger potty treat. Tomorrow it could be something much greater, like the rights of others.
Considering the big picture, I'm not even upset anymore that I have to spend a weekend cleaning carpets.
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