I was terrified.
My daughter, a mere 20 months old, took off her diaper, walked to the bathroom and pointed at the toilet.
I began having flashbacks to when my son started potty training. Here's the deal: it took us about 2 years to potty train our son. It was my fault, in all truth. I did everything wrong and by the time I realized it, it was too late. He's my first child and I had little patience and high expectations. Luckily, my patience has gotten much greater and my expectations much more realistic now that we're on #3. Plus, I was pregnant, which for me was like having raging PMS for 10 months (no lie, ask my husband, mother, best friends, the guy at the gas station, etc).
Anyway, when my daughter instigated that she was ready to use the potty instead of diapers, I did a happy dance. That happy dance slowly turned into me curled up in the fetal position crying in the corner. What if I made all the same mistakes all over again? I didn't want to do that to her, but could it be stopped?
So far, yes. And here's how.
Step 1: Research and Prepare
Research potty training? Seriously? Don't you just show them what to do and that's it? No, and this was one of my cardinal mistakes with my son. I read articles upon articles on what to do and what not to do. I reached out to every parent I knew for tips and advice. I learned about different techniques. Then I bought things. Books, movies, a potty chair, underwear, pull-ups. I also bought carpet cleaner and treats for when she was successful. This is important - you need a reward system. For my kids, M&Ms work great because they are small. Also, my kids love food and I am not ashamed to bribe them with it. Other fun rewards can be stickers, small toys, cuddle time with mommy, anything that your child wants and will see as something special. My husband had to take away the credit card.
Before I could start, however, I had to prepare my daughter. I showed her what the potty was. I let her watch me and her brother go potty (which was already happening, but now came with narration). We read the books, watched the movies and talked about diapers. I showed her the new pretty underwear we bought for her. I explained that her sister is a baby and needs diapers, but her brother is big and goes in the potty. I got her really excited to use the potty and in the process, replaced my own fears with excitement as well.
Step 2: Make It Easy
A friend of mine told me she put the potty right in the living room and sat with her son all day. He sat on the potty and watched movies while she sat with him and fed him juice. I tried it. It worked. I was shocked. Why hadn't I thought of that with my first one?
At first, she didn't want to sit on the potty. The first day, I sat with her for an hour before she went pee. It was very fun for the first 15 minutes. Then she got antsy and didn't want to sit anymore. We read books, sang songs and played with toys. I even did a few puppet shows for her. Anything to keep her preoccupied. When she did go potty, she didn't even realize she was going at first until it made a sound. We did this for a weekend and by the end, she had the hang of using her potty and didn't need to sit on it all the time.
Note: This required constant attention from both her and me. To
accomplish this, my oldest got to spend the weekend at grandma's. That
was the real key to the success. There was no way she was going to sit
on the potty for hours if her brother was running around playing. Also, I
sat with her when the baby was sleeping, to ensure there were very few
distractions.
Here comes a very important part. Going to the bathroom is scary for kids because it is a whole new experience for them. Once she used the potty, I made a huge deal of it. I clapped my hands and said Hooray! I gave her a hug and kiss and told her I love her and that she was a very good big girl. I gave her a treat. I hugged her and kissed her some more and reinforced that going pee in the potty was a very good thing. This will help take away that fear and let them know it's okay. We still celebrate like this.
Step 3: Be Patient
My daughter had used the potty. Success! But it was too soon to start shouting it from the rooftops that I had potty trained my daughter. I soon found that if she was wearing a diaper, she'd pee/poop in it. Same if she was wearing a pull-up or underwear. Solution: let her run around naked. She peed on the floor. She stood right there in the living room and watched pee run down her tiny little legs, then looked at me with tears and fear in her eyes. She knew she'd done wrong.
With my first, I would have gotten mad. With her, I quickly grabbed a towel and wiped her up, telling her in a calm voice that it was okay and that next time we will sit on the potty. Next time, she sat on the potty. The time after that, she went on the floor. Within a week, she was peeing/pooping in the potty consistently.
I did lose my patience a few times, not going to lie. However, every time I wanted to yell at her, I thought of my son. Things were going so great with my daughter, I didn't want to ruin it now. I did tell her, as I was cleaning up her pee from the carpet, that going on the floor was naughty but that going on the potty was good. Then, instead of focusing on the naughty mess on the floor, I reminded her how fun it was to go on the potty and be clean and dry and get treats. By talking about it like this, I was focusing on the good and making myself calm down too.
Step 4: One Step at a Time
My daughter has now been using the potty for about a month. However, she can't run around naked all her life. So we started all over again, but this time with underwear on.
After breakfast, we get dressed. Up until now, my daughter only wore a shirt. Then one day, we put on underwear (only - no pants yet). To my daughter, it felt like a diaper, so it was like starting all over again. Before long, she came running to me crying with wet underwear. Calmly, we changed her underwear and went back to the living room. I stopped what I was doing and sat in the living room with her. When she had to go again, she stopped and touched her underwear. I brought her to the potty and helped take them off. She sat and went potty, then we put the underwear back on before emptying the potty and getting treats. I spent the rest of the day watching her and gently reminded her that if she needed to go potty, she had to take off her underwear and use the potty. After a few days, she had it.
Children will give off cues when they have to pee/poop. By paying
attention, you will learn these cues and stop accidents before they
happen. For example, when my daughter needed to poop, she would try put
on a diaper or pull-up. I learned what this meant and that was how we started going poop on the potty as well (another scary adventure for kids).
That is how far we are now. In a few weeks, when she's mastered underwear, we'll add pants and start over. Once we've mastered that, we'll move the potty into the bathroom and start over again. When she's used to using the potty in the bathroom and is a little bigger, we'll move onto the big potty and start over again. Will it take a lot of time? Yes, but it should. Think of the last time you learned something. Were you an expert in a weekend? It's the same thing with going to the potty. You will start over many times, but it will get easier. Celebrate the successes and learn from the messes. Children are smart and you can explain things to them and show them and they will learn. Repetition, consistency and rewards are all part of it.
On a funny note, my son taught my daughter to "shake" like he does. She's pretty good at it, too.
