Why Women Are Going To F* Up the Presidential Election

Ugh, my vagina is already sighing in disgust at the next election.

Normally, it's just my brain that is exhausted and annoyed during this time, but now that there is officially a female candidate, my ovaries and mammary glands feel obligated to become involved.

It must be a female thing. Time for us to band together! All for one and one for all! Never leave a fallen female behind! Because we're all confident, independent women that would never tear each other down based on looks and lifestyles!

{...................}

Alright, for the sake of my gender, I'll go along with this happy little estrogen fest.

But that doesn't mean I'm voting for Hilary.

Here is what I absolutely know about Hilary Clinton's presidential campaign: she's a democrat, former Secretary of State, former Senator from New York, former First Lady of the United States, former First Lady of Arkansas, degree from Yale Law School, served as a lawyer for the Congressional Committee investigating President Nixon. She's also ran for president before.

That's a pretty impressive resume, to me anyway. Oh, and she's a woman. Unfortunately, the fact that she is of the female gender will trump any of her qualifications, campaign endorsements and methods or what values she plans to run on.

I'd like to not think this is true, and based on her 2008 campaign and the abundance of press she is already getting, I have a ray of hope that it could be a reality.

And then I read articles titled "Yes, I'm voting for Hilary because she's a woman." And I lose all faith in my fellow confident, intelligent and independent women.

Because it won't be politics or news and media or even Hilary herself that fucks up this extremely important presidential campaign. It will be women. Us.

Because we'll put all of that intelligence, confidence, independence and power aside and vote for someone simply because she's got a pair of tits. And that, my fellow estrogen-laden pals, will be our downfall.

We're going to take this opportunity to make a statement to the world, to the country and most importantly, to our daughters and all the women who will follow - and we're going to squander it.

And when Hilary gets elected, we're going to hear nothing but female critique for the next 4 to 8 years. It's going to be very hard. A decision about international affairs will cause controversy and I guarantee will be blamed on uncontrollable hormones. We'll hear more jokes about menstruation and menopause and women in the kitchen than we've seen in the last 100 years. And we'll accept it. And we'll laugh. {P.S. When did it become acceptable to make fun of the President of the United States? The leader of the free world can't even get a little respect. But that's for a different article...}

Because despite all of her qualifications and experience, she's a woman, first and foremost, and the greatest country in the world, who prides themselves on "justice for all" {insert snickering here}, won't let her forget it.

I don't know if I'm going to vote for Hilary. If the election were being held tomorrow and it was between her or Ted Cruz or Rand Paul, then yes, I would vote for Hilary. Not because she's a woman. But because from what I've seen and heard from the other two, she's the best candidate.

I would trust Hilary to run the country. She's done it before. She's proven she has a backbone and knows how to handle controversy. And she faced the public humiliation of her husband getting his jollies off with a much younger woman with her shoulders back and her head held high. She didn't let it derail her career and she didn't hang her dirty laundry out in the street. That's my kind of woman. That's my kind of President.

But I'm not willing to toss in my vote yet. Simply put, it's April of 2015. We don't get to vote for another 19 months. 19 MONTHS. There are debates to be had. Campaign forums to organize. Hands to shake and babies to kiss. There are issues to be dealt with and true colors that have yet to bleed. Choosing my vote now would be irresponsible.

 So, in a final request, to my dear fellow comrades with ovaries, please think about this. Think about your options. Think by yourself and think for yourself. Think of the consequences, of what you offer for this country, not as a female but as a human.

Marilyn Monroe is quoted "Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition." This isn't about us staking our claim in the world and throwing feminism into the face of every red-blooded male. This isn't about saying to the world "Hey, look what we did for women!" Because when it comes to female world leaders, we're extremely behind the curve.

This is about furthering our country to be the best it can be. It's about taking the opportunity to progress and make our voices heard. It's about standing up and doing the right thing because we can and because we're in charge. Not as women, but as citizens.

Don't tarnish that.