For the past two weeks, the internet has been inundated with amazingly touching dedications to Mom. They are sweet. They are real. They tell the honest truth of what it means to be a mom, the trials and triumphs and the small moments that are the biggest rewards.
Well, this isn't one of those articles. {Already did one of those. Check it out here.}
Many have heartfelt sentiments they remember from their moms. These sayings are meant to guide one along the path of life and shine a light along the way. Unfortunately, for my children, I'm a little more sarcastic when it comes to advice.
I'd like to share the ten most used phrases in my house this past year:
1. Just because it lands in your mouth and fits in your mouth, doesn't mean it should be in your mouth.
2. If someone cries when you touch them, stop touching them.
3. You don't need to pull down your underwear to see an ouchie on your knee.
4. If someone is screaming, they're not having fun. Stop. It.
5. You need pants on to go outside.
6. Maybe if you stopped eating dirt, it wouldn't hurt so much to poop.
7. Peeing on the house so the neighbors don't see you is not a good enough reason to pee on the house.
8. Only mommy is has earned the right to use bad words.
9. I know it's neat, but no one wants to see your pee pee. Put it away.
10. No, "boobies" are not okay for show and tell.
These are by no means the nuggets of wisdom one would expect from a
caring and adoring mother such as myself. As it is, this is what my kids
are getting.
Consider this my formal apology to all of humanity.
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