The Messy Slate

The New Year.

That magical time where everything changes. Hopes, promises, drive, and determination are renewed. The champagne overflows as we learn from the bad, celebrate the good, and make lists on how to reinvent ourselves.

It's a clean slate. A new book just waiting to be written.

And it's all bullshit.

BULLSHIT.

What if I don't want a clean slate? What's wrong with an old, used, unclean slate? What if I want my slate to remain like my house, my hair, and my life in general - messy?

What if I don't want a shiny new book? What if I want to keep the same old, boring, scribbled and scratched story? What if I have a lot more to add to the story I'm already working on?

What if I don't want to make resolutions or plans or lists for how to improve my life? What if I want to keep the same old goals that I've already been working towards? What if I (gasp!) actually like myself and all my faults and all my okay characteristics?

What if my life - and me - don't really need improving?

And DON'T say that's a resolution. That's a cop-out.

I think that 2016 will happen how it will, regardless of plans or resolutions. I think that things will happen that will be out of my control and I'll just have to deal with it. I think life will happen, just as it did last year and the year before that, regardless of what I have written on some list somewhere. I think intentions are great, but actions hold more weight, and success is a variable that constantly changes.

I don't think a certain day will change any of this, and I don't need a special holiday to help me evaluate my life. It doesn't matter to me that there is a last day of the year or a first day of a year because focusing on the first and the last draws attention away from the middle, which is just as important.

Because every day is important.

Every day is a new day, and waiting for a certain time of year to make plans and think about life and the future and what you've learned is a waste of time. The person you are on January 1st might be a completely different person on March 25th or July 30th or December 2nd. Or you might be the same. There's no way of knowing. A year is a long time. I don't even know what tomorrow will be like so why the hell do I think I can plan for the next 365 tomorrows?

I can't. So I won't. Instead, I'm just going to live them. I'm going to wake up every day and do my thing. Maybe tomorrow will be the worst day of my life. Maybe the best. Maybe it will be just another day filled with amazing moments. I don't know.

I'm just going to be thankful that I'll get to find out.

I'm going to take each day as it comes. I'm going to watch the sunrises and sunsets and not count them. I'm going to get lost in the seasons without worrying about the next one. I'm going to enjoy what I have, work for what I want, and be happy about it.

I'm going to do the same thing I've been doing. Today, tomorrow, yesterday and next year.

I'm going to keep my messy slate and make it messier.