I had it so easy. It was going great. I could see the homestretch and was counting down the months to when diapers would no longer exist in our house.
And then the wet spots started.
My daughter, who'd been using her little potty set up in the living room, came to me one day holding wet underwear. An accident. No big deal. We'll clean it up, put on new underwear, and be on our way. I had expected regression in this process. To expect anything less would have been insanity.
What I encountered over the next few weeks, however, was not a regression but a full on attack of rogue bodily functions. Not only did my daughter decide that she didn't want to go in the potty, she also didn't want to wear diapers, pull-ups or underwear. Basically, she was going wild, running around naked and going to the bathroom where she pleased.
To join in the fun, my 5 year old, who has been struggling with potty training for a few years now, also decided that he didn't quite like using the potty either since his sister apparently didn't have to. My only saving grace with him is that he was kind enough to go in his pants, not directly on the floor, and he knew better to clean it up himself.
I began asking myself "What is wrong with my daughter? How could she suddenly change her mind?"
After watching her behavior for a few days to try figure this out, it started to become apparent that I should be asking "Where had I gone wrong?"
I realized that yes, while I was training her, she was also training me. True, I had more experience in this area, but maybe she knew a lot more about it than I was giving her credit for.
The key for both of them, I found out, was the reward system. They simply weren't happy with the small M&Ms they would get for going in the potty. They wanted more, and were holding my carpet at ransom until more was delivered.
I weighed this in my head. At one point I thought "I'm the parent. I'll just wait it out and force her to use the potty the right way, without giving in and handing out bigger treats." This was immediately followed by a "Yeah right," moment when my logic stepped in and I realized I had no patience and that she was much more stubborn and determined than I was.
After all, it's just a treat, and it's not like she'll be calling me from college and asking for a treat because she went pee in the potty. She's 2. She can have a bigger treat if it means there will be no more surprises on the floor.
I am happy to report that we are now using the potty, including the big one in the bathroom! Turns out that when I gave her a little grace, she gave some back. She's a smart cookie, this one.
The moral of this story is that I had the entire process mapped out in my head and only made it to step 2. And that's okay. This little detour helped me understand that she is the one learning to go potty, so she calls the shots when it comes to how long it's going to take and what kind of pit stops we'll have along the way. Just like she needs to listen to me when I tell her how to do things, I need to listen to her so I can understand how she wants to do things.
This parenting thing is more of a two-way street than I bargained for, and that makes me happy. It means my children can think for themselves and fight for what they want. Today that's something as little as a bigger potty treat. Tomorrow it could be something much greater, like the rights of others.
Considering the big picture, I'm not even upset anymore that I have to spend a weekend cleaning carpets.
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