Change is scary. It leaves doubt in our minds. Are we doing the right thing? What will happen? Change is scary because we can't predict it or control it. It takes away our knowledge of future events that are supposed to happen. It leaves us feeling inadequate, as if we did something to cause things to change, as if we could have prevented it.
The best way to combat the nightmare of change is to take control of what we can. In every action, every event, we have a choice in how we react and handle it. When we become scared, the natural reaction is our fight or flight response - we either get angry or we hide. Neither reaction does any good to help us weather the change.
What about coping? Where is coping, dealing with it, thinking and standing tall through the course of change in our evolutionary reactions? We are, after all, highly evolved mammals that are capable of thinking logically. We landed an unmanned rocket on a comet in the middle of space. We should be able to navigate the course of change in our lives without throwing a temper tantrum, shouldn't we?
Yes. And we can. But first, feel free to throw that temper tantrum. Take a minute to be angry or to lock the bedroom door and cry. As the quote says, "just don't unpack and live there." We always have a choice. We can always choose the good and choose to be happy. That doesn't mean we're not allowed to feel the sting of defeat every now and then. Without the bad, you can't appreciate the good.
I found a prayer online today. I'm not a religious person. Spiritual, yes, as all those are who were raised on organized religion of some brand but had too many questions and yet still believes in something greater than themselves. I've taken the (artistic) liberty of amending it to my own tastes. Let it be known that while I don't own the original words that combined to make this, I do stand by what I took away from it.
1. Release every negative thought, every trace of
doubt and every bit of fear that may lurk deep within your heart.
2. Let go of the things that consume your happiness.
3. Let go of ideals, old patterns or habits, arguments and beliefs that
no longer serve you.
4. Release the past and let go of the pain and anger
that destroys your ability to show compassion.
Remember:
5. Letting go is a healthy practice to maintain joy
and peace.
6. Letting go also means finding forgiveness, whether it is forgiving yourself or someone else.
7. Everything happens for a
reason.
When you find yourself in a situation that leaves you feeling conflicted, it's time to be honest with yourself. Ask yourself "Am I happy?" If the answer is yes, then remind yourself of what makes you happy. If the answer is no, ask yourself why. {Word of caution: while other people's action can cause us to be unhappy, in the end, it is still our reaction that is the unhappy part. You have to take responsibility for your own emotions. Why did you feel unhappy at their actions? Trying to understand your emotions will help you understand the other person's actions in a new light. That might not always justify it, but it can help.} After you've determined why you're unhappy, understand what would make you happy. Now comes the tough part: DO what will make you happy. Act on it. This is truly taking happiness - and the fear of change - into your own hands.
This is also the hardest part of change. Change is the doorway to the unknown and full of What ifs? What if you're not happier? What if it was all a mistake? This is why people prefer to adapt to being unhappy and let it become the new substandard normal. At least in the current situation, there are no surprises. We know what to expect and we can therefore deal with it, even if it is consistent disappointment.
Understand that even if change doesn't bring you to a place where you want to be, there are valuable lessons to be learned along the way. You never know until you try. This is where #7 becomes important. Everything happens for a reason. There is a grand scheme to everything, even if we don't know it or see it. Somehow, everything works out in the end, as long as you don't give up. A leap of faith requires two things: a leap and faith. You have to leap to learn if you can fly and you need faith that you will be okay if you don't. You can plan the leap, make lists in preparation for it and dream about it. But no amount of planning, list making or dreaming can prepare your faith in your ability.
Allow yourself to let go of the negative and doubt. Clean out the closets and get rid of anything that doesn't bring you happiness. We change, and with it, so do our ideals, habits and beliefs. Allow this change to happen and don't get sucked into the trap of having to apologize for it. You're allowed to change your mind. It is, to be blunt, your mind after all.
And whatever you do, don't let past lessons (or mistakes) make you cower for fear of future change. Learn from them. The past is a valuable tool for the future. Sometimes you need to make the same mistake a few times to learn from it. Sometimes, this is just a symbol of your persistence in what you want. It's all a choice. Your past can be your friend, a lit path that shows you how far you've come. It can also be your enemy if you let regret, pain and anger rule you. We are given each day to start new. Each sunrise is a promise that we have the privilege to try again. And if the sunrise is obscured by clouds, take comfort in knowing that it is still there, above the storm, shining on the darkness below.
As I've gotten older, I've realized that we have an entire life to live. At no point is our life over unless we choose to stop living - to stop embracing change and being an active force in our own journey. Things will always happen "to" us. Life isn't linear and there's no map except for your footprints.
Change is scary. It leaves doubt in our minds. We can't predict it and we can't
control it. It leaves us feeling inadequate and unprepared.
It leaves us feeling. And to feel is to be alive. To turn those feelings into something good is to live. And what a wonderful thing it is to live.
