And the war continues....

I had a dream once. I had a dream that I found the perfect print fabric and that I made the most beautiful and luxurious curtains that the land has ever seen. And everyone marveled at my seamstress abilities and before long my entire domain was lavished in beautiful tapestries and everything was grand.

Alas, there is one evil being standing between me and this dream: the sewing machine (cue dramatic music - dun dun dun!). Yes, the sewing machine. It knows my two main weaknesses - technology prowess and patience. I have neither of these two qualities. I hear about women talking about their sewing machines and craft stations and the Halloween outfits they stichted together one afternoon or the sitting pillows they made out of spare fabric and my blood begins to turn green with envy.  I want that.

My first interaction with a sewing machine occurred in 7th grade home-ec class. I refused to use pins because I would sew around them and was told to wear safety goggles from then on. I hold nothing against you, Mrs. K. You were a wonderful teacher - I was a not-so-wonderful student. I gave up my dreams of being a seamstress right then and there and settled on hand-sewing anything that needed to be fixed. After all, you don't need an instruction manual (or safety goggles) to darn a sock.

My second interaction came after we bought our house and I decided that making curtains was better than buying them. My mom found me this great Singer sewing machine for an excellent price at a thrift store. So one Saturday morning, I put my son down for a nap, cleared a space in the basement, and put my brand new shiny sewing machine on display. I followed the (picture) directions and had my test piece of fabric all set and ready to go. I pushed on the pedal every so gently and heard the purr of the machine and as the needle was getting ready to pierce the fabric with it's thread. With slow tender movement, I fed the fabric under the needle and slid it out the other side. I held up my sewn fabric with a gigantic smile of accomplishment. I'd done it! I had mastered the sewing machine and would be filling my house with curtains and pillows in no time!

And then the two pieces of fabric fell apart, pieces of thread drooping off the seams like wet noodles. A dark cloud drifted in over my head and my brow furrowed in frustration, then anger.

What had I done wrong? I had followed the instructions (almost) exactly! I looked down to discovered that the thread in the bobbin was not connected to the thread in the needle. But why! WHY?!

I went through the instructions again and again, retracing each and every step. But nothing worked. Finally, in frustration, I dumped it all back in the box and shoved it in a cupboard, hidden away and never to see daylight again.

The sewing machine sat for a long time in that dark cabinet, but my creative nature got the best of me. After all, it was only a sewing machine. I had mastered power tools and replaced an engine in a car. There was no way I was going to admit defeat to something like a sewing machine. So I dug it out, set it up, and did what any other sane woman would do in my situation - I called my mom for help. However, it's apparently a little difficult to teach someone how to use a sewing machine over the phone, so I didn't get anywhere. But I wasn't frustrated - I just needed to use my resources and have someone show me how to use the dang thing. So I packed it away again, this time with less shame and disappointment and with every intention of learning how to use it.

Since I threw out the directions in a fit of rage (they were useless anyway) and my mother wasn't able to help me, my husband suggested YouTube. "You can find out how to do anything on there, like biuld bombs and crap" he said. Brilliant.

So the battle continues. Next time I come head to head with the evil sewing machine, I will be armed with the knowledge of YouTube and a detailed instructional video. And I will learn how to thread the needle correctly in order to make a seam and it will say together!  Because I am not a quitter and I refuse to be defeated by a household appliance!

Stay tuned as the battle wages on....