There's that word again: intolerant. I've heard that word, and it's derivatives, a lot lately. There are a lot of issues plaguing our country these days; abortion, gun laws, gay rights, the government in general. Those that stick hard and fast to their ideals and opinions on such matters are seen as intolerant. Those that don't have strong statements on these matters (or those that don't feel the need to share them all the time), are seen as accepting, passive and really just not caring.
For a long time, I've thought that tolerance and acceptance were the same thing. I was actually searching for a quote about tolerance when I found one that stated they weren't. This got me thinking. What is the difference between tolerance and acceptance?
Of course, I turned to the dictionary for the answer. Here is what I found.
Tolerance:
noun
1. a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward those whose opinions, practices, race, religion, nationality, etc., differ from one's own; freedom from bigotry.
2. a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward opinions and practices that differ from one's own.
3. interest in and concern for ideas, opinions, practices, etc., foreign to one's own; a liberal, undogmatic viewpoint.
4. the act or capacity of enduring; endurance: My tolerance of noise is limited.
Acceptance:
noun
In short, tolerance is a fair and objective attitude towards something outside your own opinions. Acceptance is the approval and belief in those opinions. It is also worth noting that both of these are nouns, meaning they are things and not actions. We have the capability, and the choice, to turn them into actions.
1. the act of taking or receiving something offered.
2. favorable reception; approval; favor.
3. the act of assenting or believing: acceptance of a theory.
4. the fact or state of being accepted or acceptable.
This all boils down to what I'm going to teach my children and how I guide them in interacting with this world. Given that goal and after doing some diving to make sure I'm using all the knowledge I have, I know what I'm going to teach them.
Tolerate the opinions. Accept the person.
There is a reason there is distinguish here between the opinion and the person. At first, I thought this was an all or nothing deal. If you don't accept the opinions, you can't accept the person. Then I started thinking about all my friends that have different viewpoints than I do on a number of issues. Yet these people are still my friends. Why? Because they are good people. They have qualities that I admire, that I gravitate toward and that are symmetrical with the qualities I'd like to think I have. Why would I let a silly little thing like a difference in opinion keep me from missing out on such a wonderful person?
There's another word that has significance: person. Being a person is important. The literal definition of a person is a human being. It doesn't distinguish any other characteristics. You simply have to be human to be a person.
In true fashion, an opinion is a personal view. It's a view made by a person, one formed for many reasons. People have opinions because of the type of person they are.
So then how in the hell are we supposed to separate the person from their opinions?
That's where tolerance comes in.
People have opinions for their own personal reasons, and as another person, we have no way of completely understanding those reasons unless we were to live life as that person, or be that person. Likewise, another person will never have a 100% accurate understanding of your own personal viewpoints and opinions. Another way to put this is another definition of opinion: a belief or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty. There is no right answer when it comes to an opinion.
So why lose sleep and be upset about a different opinion? And why try to make our opinions into fact or become upset when others don't treat them as such? By pure definition, an opinion can never be proven.
Yes, there are sources that people base their opinions on, and people regard these sources as facts. While it's not necessarily false that these sources are fact, it all comes down to how the person interpreted those facts, again, based on their own personal beliefs. Two people can read the exact same scientific article and have two completely different opinions. The highest compliment of humanity is those two people being able to discuss the article, share their different views, and walk away as friends without any judgement or ill feelings towards each other.
Sadly, this hardly happens. On the brighter side, if this did happen all the time, we would make no progress. That's about as fine of a line as one can draw.
What this really all means is that I will teach my children the following:
1. Educate yourself. Form your own opinions and make sure you have them for the right reasons.
2. Protect your opinion and stick to it. If you have all the facts, this shouldn't be hard.
3. Understand that an opinion is never right or wrong, even yours.
4. Tolerate others opinions. Listen to them without judging.
5. Accept that there are other opinions in the world and that this is part of what makes it such a beautiful place.
6. Understand that a persons' opinion does not directly reflect on them as a person. A person is a person. This doesn't mean you have to like everyone, but have enough courtesy to stay away from those you aren't very fond of.
In short: Tolerate the opinions. Accept the person.
My greatest hope is that my children will listen, not just to me, but to themselves and to others around them. With that listening, I hope they will learn from themselves and others. The result would be that they will be able to think for themselves without demanding that others think like them, or worse, demeaning others that don't.
After all, we're all just people with our own opinions trying to survive in this wonderful world.
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