I was terrified.
My daughter, a mere 20 months old, took off her diaper, walked to the bathroom and pointed at the toilet.
I began having flashbacks to when my son started potty training. Here's the deal: it took us about 2 years to potty train our son. It was my fault, in all truth. I did everything wrong and by the time I realized it, it was too late. He's my first child and I had little patience and high expectations. Luckily, my patience has gotten much greater and my expectations much more realistic now that we're on #3. Plus, I was pregnant, which for me was like having raging PMS for 10 months (no lie, ask my husband, mother, best friends, the guy at the gas station, etc).
Anyway, when my daughter instigated that she was ready to use the potty instead of diapers, I did a happy dance. That happy dance slowly turned into me curled up in the fetal position crying in the corner. What if I made all the same mistakes all over again? I didn't want to do that to her, but could it be stopped?
So far, yes. And here's how.
Step 1: Research and Prepare
Research potty training? Seriously? Don't you just show them what to do and that's it? No, and this was one of my cardinal mistakes with my son. I read articles upon articles on what to do and what not to do. I reached out to every parent I knew for tips and advice. I learned about different techniques. Then I bought things. Books, movies, a potty chair, underwear, pull-ups. I also bought carpet cleaner and treats for when she was successful. This is important - you need a reward system. For my kids, M&Ms work great because they are small. Also, my kids love food and I am not ashamed to bribe them with it. Other fun rewards can be stickers, small toys, cuddle time with mommy, anything that your child wants and will see as something special. My husband had to take away the credit card.
Before I could start, however, I had to prepare my daughter. I showed her what the potty was. I let her watch me and her brother go potty (which was already happening, but now came with narration). We read the books, watched the movies and talked about diapers. I showed her the new pretty underwear we bought for her. I explained that her sister is a baby and needs diapers, but her brother is big and goes in the potty. I got her really excited to use the potty and in the process, replaced my own fears with excitement as well.
Step 2: Make It Easy
A friend of mine told me she put the potty right in the living room and sat with her son all day. He sat on the potty and watched movies while she sat with him and fed him juice. I tried it. It worked. I was shocked. Why hadn't I thought of that with my first one?
At first, she didn't want to sit on the potty. The first day, I sat with her for an hour before she went pee. It was very fun for the first 15 minutes. Then she got antsy and didn't want to sit anymore. We read books, sang songs and played with toys. I even did a few puppet shows for her. Anything to keep her preoccupied. When she did go potty, she didn't even realize she was going at first until it made a sound. We did this for a weekend and by the end, she had the hang of using her potty and didn't need to sit on it all the time.
Note: This required constant attention from both her and me. To
accomplish this, my oldest got to spend the weekend at grandma's. That
was the real key to the success. There was no way she was going to sit
on the potty for hours if her brother was running around playing. Also, I
sat with her when the baby was sleeping, to ensure there were very few
distractions.
Here comes a very important part. Going to the bathroom is scary for kids because it is a whole new experience for them. Once she used the potty, I made a huge deal of it. I clapped my hands and said Hooray! I gave her a hug and kiss and told her I love her and that she was a very good big girl. I gave her a treat. I hugged her and kissed her some more and reinforced that going pee in the potty was a very good thing. This will help take away that fear and let them know it's okay. We still celebrate like this.
Step 3: Be Patient
My daughter had used the potty. Success! But it was too soon to start shouting it from the rooftops that I had potty trained my daughter. I soon found that if she was wearing a diaper, she'd pee/poop in it. Same if she was wearing a pull-up or underwear. Solution: let her run around naked. She peed on the floor. She stood right there in the living room and watched pee run down her tiny little legs, then looked at me with tears and fear in her eyes. She knew she'd done wrong.
With my first, I would have gotten mad. With her, I quickly grabbed a towel and wiped her up, telling her in a calm voice that it was okay and that next time we will sit on the potty. Next time, she sat on the potty. The time after that, she went on the floor. Within a week, she was peeing/pooping in the potty consistently.
I did lose my patience a few times, not going to lie. However, every time I wanted to yell at her, I thought of my son. Things were going so great with my daughter, I didn't want to ruin it now. I did tell her, as I was cleaning up her pee from the carpet, that going on the floor was naughty but that going on the potty was good. Then, instead of focusing on the naughty mess on the floor, I reminded her how fun it was to go on the potty and be clean and dry and get treats. By talking about it like this, I was focusing on the good and making myself calm down too.
Step 4: One Step at a Time
My daughter has now been using the potty for about a month. However, she can't run around naked all her life. So we started all over again, but this time with underwear on.
After breakfast, we get dressed. Up until now, my daughter only wore a shirt. Then one day, we put on underwear (only - no pants yet). To my daughter, it felt like a diaper, so it was like starting all over again. Before long, she came running to me crying with wet underwear. Calmly, we changed her underwear and went back to the living room. I stopped what I was doing and sat in the living room with her. When she had to go again, she stopped and touched her underwear. I brought her to the potty and helped take them off. She sat and went potty, then we put the underwear back on before emptying the potty and getting treats. I spent the rest of the day watching her and gently reminded her that if she needed to go potty, she had to take off her underwear and use the potty. After a few days, she had it.
Children will give off cues when they have to pee/poop. By paying
attention, you will learn these cues and stop accidents before they
happen. For example, when my daughter needed to poop, she would try put
on a diaper or pull-up. I learned what this meant and that was how we started going poop on the potty as well (another scary adventure for kids).
That is how far we are now. In a few weeks, when she's mastered underwear, we'll add pants and start over. Once we've mastered that, we'll move the potty into the bathroom and start over again. When she's used to using the potty in the bathroom and is a little bigger, we'll move onto the big potty and start over again. Will it take a lot of time? Yes, but it should. Think of the last time you learned something. Were you an expert in a weekend? It's the same thing with going to the potty. You will start over many times, but it will get easier. Celebrate the successes and learn from the messes. Children are smart and you can explain things to them and show them and they will learn. Repetition, consistency and rewards are all part of it.
On a funny note, my son taught my daughter to "shake" like he does. She's pretty good at it, too.
Monday, February 24, 2014
Sunday, April 14, 2013
How to Fail as a Parent
I've decided that failure is indeed an option....
And sometimes, it's the best option you have. But here's the thing - after you accept defeat, throw you hands up in the air and just give in - you can let go, and move on. You can breathe in the good and breathe out the bad.
I'm on day two of being a stay-at-home mom, and this is what I've learned.
That, and that I just might need to lighten up a little bit. Because this parenting thing is super hard, and my kids won't always listen the first time. Or the second. Or third, or fourth. And the key is that I can't lose my patience with them. Mostly because me throwing a fit (and I mean literally throwing something across the room in a fit of rage) has only taught them that behaving like that is okay, so I can't really yell at them when they do the same thing - but I yell at them anyways, and thus begins a vicious cycle.
I find myself asking what I'm trying to accomplish anyway. I told my son that we were going to pick up the toys in the living room before bed. He refused. I asked again. He refused. I got mad - and down hill it went. The kind of down hill when you go skiing for the first time and you've mastered the bunny hill so you take on the biggest, baddest mountain they've got, but you forget to swerve and before you know it you're rocketing down a steep ass icy mountain on a pair of skis that apparently have rockets attached - tears of fear whipping off your face - those same tears making you blind which you think would be better but it's really not - and then you find yourself in a jumble of snow and skis but no pride or ego at the bottom of the hill. Yeah, that kind of downhill.
So what was I trying to teach him again? How to be responsible? He's 4. FOUR. He has his whole like to be responsible. Was I trying to teach him to be nice to his possessions? Because those are the things in life that really matter - a plastic toy?
And why did he react so badly? Was he trying to piss me off (which he says now, by the way, because apparently it's not a good idea to be blatantly honest about your feelings with your 4-year old)? Yes, that must have been it. Maybe, just maybe, he just didn't want to pick up his toys. Maybe, just maybe, he wanted to hang out and play with me instead.
And there it is. The ever-present Mother Guilt. Every mother has it, and it's an evil creature if there ever was one. Because now I'm sitting here while my son is in his room (doing something, I don't know because I gave up. See beginning for more info) and all the while all he wanted to do was play with me. This makes perfect sense, especially since I devote all of my time to his baby sister, or cleaning the house, or cooking food, or napping.
And it's day two, and I've failed as a parent. What do I do now? I toss my hands in the air, and move on. Start over. I go into his room and hang out with him. I try do better tomorrow. Maybe I will, maybe I won't, we'll see how it goes.
But first, I'm gonna have one more yogurt cup all to myself.....
And sometimes, it's the best option you have. But here's the thing - after you accept defeat, throw you hands up in the air and just give in - you can let go, and move on. You can breathe in the good and breathe out the bad.
I'm on day two of being a stay-at-home mom, and this is what I've learned.
That, and that I just might need to lighten up a little bit. Because this parenting thing is super hard, and my kids won't always listen the first time. Or the second. Or third, or fourth. And the key is that I can't lose my patience with them. Mostly because me throwing a fit (and I mean literally throwing something across the room in a fit of rage) has only taught them that behaving like that is okay, so I can't really yell at them when they do the same thing - but I yell at them anyways, and thus begins a vicious cycle.
I find myself asking what I'm trying to accomplish anyway. I told my son that we were going to pick up the toys in the living room before bed. He refused. I asked again. He refused. I got mad - and down hill it went. The kind of down hill when you go skiing for the first time and you've mastered the bunny hill so you take on the biggest, baddest mountain they've got, but you forget to swerve and before you know it you're rocketing down a steep ass icy mountain on a pair of skis that apparently have rockets attached - tears of fear whipping off your face - those same tears making you blind which you think would be better but it's really not - and then you find yourself in a jumble of snow and skis but no pride or ego at the bottom of the hill. Yeah, that kind of downhill.
So what was I trying to teach him again? How to be responsible? He's 4. FOUR. He has his whole like to be responsible. Was I trying to teach him to be nice to his possessions? Because those are the things in life that really matter - a plastic toy?
And why did he react so badly? Was he trying to piss me off (which he says now, by the way, because apparently it's not a good idea to be blatantly honest about your feelings with your 4-year old)? Yes, that must have been it. Maybe, just maybe, he just didn't want to pick up his toys. Maybe, just maybe, he wanted to hang out and play with me instead.
And there it is. The ever-present Mother Guilt. Every mother has it, and it's an evil creature if there ever was one. Because now I'm sitting here while my son is in his room (doing something, I don't know because I gave up. See beginning for more info) and all the while all he wanted to do was play with me. This makes perfect sense, especially since I devote all of my time to his baby sister, or cleaning the house, or cooking food, or napping.
And it's day two, and I've failed as a parent. What do I do now? I toss my hands in the air, and move on. Start over. I go into his room and hang out with him. I try do better tomorrow. Maybe I will, maybe I won't, we'll see how it goes.
But first, I'm gonna have one more yogurt cup all to myself.....
Saturday, January 26, 2013
A Nighttime Rendezvous
I've been trying a new beauty routine for a few weeks now, and I'm pretty happy with the results. Naturally, I need to share this.
First, I began taking showers at night. I've always been a morning shower person, simply because within 8 hours my hair starts to collect a lot of oil and it begins to look like I haven't showered in days. However, taking showers at night was an adjustment I had to make. See, I can only work until about 4pm - 4:30pm at the latest. If I work until 5 or later, then it's 6pm by the time I get home with the kids, 7pm by the time supper is ready, and then it's baths and bed all smashed into an hour, which usually produces crabby children and leaves zero play time after we haven't seen each other all day anyway. This was just unacceptable.
However, in order to leave work by 4pm, I had to get there by 7am. Between getting the kids up and ready, packing everything for them and myself into the car (extra clothes for daycare, blankets, diapers, my lunch, etc), plus me getting up and ready, I was looking at an alarm time of 4am. Yes. 4am. When it was just Jackson, no worries. I could get up at 4:30am and be fine. Add in a second child and my body began to protest. 4:30am would turn into 5am, which sometimes would become 5:30am, and on those really tough days, 6am. If I get up at 6am, it's at least 8am before I'm at work, and it's generally frowned upon to show up late and leave early - at least multiple days in a row.
So I made the switch out of necessity. Plus, as any other parent out there can attest to, sometimes a shower is the only "me" time one can get, and taking this time while I was groggy and still semi-unconscious in the morning wasn't doing me any favors. At night though, the kids are sleeping, I've had a chance to clean the house, and I can totally relax and get ready for bed. And there really is nothing quite like climbing into a nice warm bed after you're all squeaky clean.
I was hesitant, though, as I'd tried this before but it never worked out. As I mentioned, my hair is pretty oily, something that has always been a problem for me. It continued to be oily for the first few weeks. By 4pm at work, I was wearing my winter hat and telling people I was cold. Little did they realize that I was hiding an oil slick under there.
I stuck it out because I was beginning to see some very positive results. First, I had a lot more time in the morning. I wasn't dreading jumping out from under nice warm covers, just to strip myself naked in the freezing bathroom, jump into hot water, and jump back out into the cold air again.
The biggest difference was in my hair. Yes, it looked oily and lifeless by the end of the day and felt pretty gross at the scalp, but as my hair was clean and dry in the morning, I wasn't using my blow-dryer anymore. The only thing I had to use was my straightener, and only for a quick run through. My long hair, which was normally dry and frizzy, became sleek and shiny. And after a few weeks, my hair becomes much less oily during the day. Now, you can't hardly tell that it's been 16+ hours since I've taken a shower, and I've retired wearing my hat at work.
Something else positive happened as well. I'd heard of using oil to wash your face, and while I didn't have the kinds of oil that the recipe called for, I did have baby oil. My face, kind of like my hair, has a split personality between dry and oily. In the mornings after washing, it's dry and tight. In the afternoon, it's oily and shiny. All along I thought it was my skin, but it turned out to be the products I was using. I replaced my face lotion with baby oil - just enough to dampen a cotton swab and rub all over my face. I was worried that this may cause some acne outbreaks, but it didn't. In fact, my face was smooth and glowing. The blotchy red patches that were appearing under my eyes (which a lot of the women in my family have due to our voluminous cheeks) disappeared and the rest of my skin tone evened out. I stopped wearing foundation because I didn't have to. My face wasn't shiny or oily by the end of the day. It was amazing.
Naturally, I started using the baby oil more liberally. If it can do that to my face, what about my legs that are always a little dry? I've found a few lotions that work amazing on dry skin, but they are expensive, and my kids need clothes and food. So I tried the baby oil. Let me tell you - there is something luxurious about getting out of a nice hot shower at night, coating yourself with a little big of baby oil (only a little, we're not talking Playboy photo shoot here), putting on some nice warm pajamas and crawling under some nice thick quilts on a cold winter night.
I now do this every night. My normally thick dark hair on my legs that I hate shaving because I don't have time is thinner and softer. My skin is soft, glowing and hydrated. My hair is shiny and healthy. And I sleep much better as I have time to relax and spend by myself without any worries. It's amazing.
I found it wasn't me - there wasn't a problem with my skin or my hair. It was the products I was using and how I was using them. My hair has never looked this beautiful and my skin has never been this soft. And now mornings are a breeze as I roll out of bed, run a straightener through my hair, put on some eye make-up and I'm ready to roll. It's actually taken out a lot of stress in the mornings. And now I get to work earlier so I can leave earlier and I have more time to spend with my children.
And when you're a working mother with two small children, anything that helps release stress and allows you more time with your family is a complete win.
First, I began taking showers at night. I've always been a morning shower person, simply because within 8 hours my hair starts to collect a lot of oil and it begins to look like I haven't showered in days. However, taking showers at night was an adjustment I had to make. See, I can only work until about 4pm - 4:30pm at the latest. If I work until 5 or later, then it's 6pm by the time I get home with the kids, 7pm by the time supper is ready, and then it's baths and bed all smashed into an hour, which usually produces crabby children and leaves zero play time after we haven't seen each other all day anyway. This was just unacceptable.
However, in order to leave work by 4pm, I had to get there by 7am. Between getting the kids up and ready, packing everything for them and myself into the car (extra clothes for daycare, blankets, diapers, my lunch, etc), plus me getting up and ready, I was looking at an alarm time of 4am. Yes. 4am. When it was just Jackson, no worries. I could get up at 4:30am and be fine. Add in a second child and my body began to protest. 4:30am would turn into 5am, which sometimes would become 5:30am, and on those really tough days, 6am. If I get up at 6am, it's at least 8am before I'm at work, and it's generally frowned upon to show up late and leave early - at least multiple days in a row.
So I made the switch out of necessity. Plus, as any other parent out there can attest to, sometimes a shower is the only "me" time one can get, and taking this time while I was groggy and still semi-unconscious in the morning wasn't doing me any favors. At night though, the kids are sleeping, I've had a chance to clean the house, and I can totally relax and get ready for bed. And there really is nothing quite like climbing into a nice warm bed after you're all squeaky clean.
I was hesitant, though, as I'd tried this before but it never worked out. As I mentioned, my hair is pretty oily, something that has always been a problem for me. It continued to be oily for the first few weeks. By 4pm at work, I was wearing my winter hat and telling people I was cold. Little did they realize that I was hiding an oil slick under there.
I stuck it out because I was beginning to see some very positive results. First, I had a lot more time in the morning. I wasn't dreading jumping out from under nice warm covers, just to strip myself naked in the freezing bathroom, jump into hot water, and jump back out into the cold air again.
The biggest difference was in my hair. Yes, it looked oily and lifeless by the end of the day and felt pretty gross at the scalp, but as my hair was clean and dry in the morning, I wasn't using my blow-dryer anymore. The only thing I had to use was my straightener, and only for a quick run through. My long hair, which was normally dry and frizzy, became sleek and shiny. And after a few weeks, my hair becomes much less oily during the day. Now, you can't hardly tell that it's been 16+ hours since I've taken a shower, and I've retired wearing my hat at work.
Something else positive happened as well. I'd heard of using oil to wash your face, and while I didn't have the kinds of oil that the recipe called for, I did have baby oil. My face, kind of like my hair, has a split personality between dry and oily. In the mornings after washing, it's dry and tight. In the afternoon, it's oily and shiny. All along I thought it was my skin, but it turned out to be the products I was using. I replaced my face lotion with baby oil - just enough to dampen a cotton swab and rub all over my face. I was worried that this may cause some acne outbreaks, but it didn't. In fact, my face was smooth and glowing. The blotchy red patches that were appearing under my eyes (which a lot of the women in my family have due to our voluminous cheeks) disappeared and the rest of my skin tone evened out. I stopped wearing foundation because I didn't have to. My face wasn't shiny or oily by the end of the day. It was amazing.
Naturally, I started using the baby oil more liberally. If it can do that to my face, what about my legs that are always a little dry? I've found a few lotions that work amazing on dry skin, but they are expensive, and my kids need clothes and food. So I tried the baby oil. Let me tell you - there is something luxurious about getting out of a nice hot shower at night, coating yourself with a little big of baby oil (only a little, we're not talking Playboy photo shoot here), putting on some nice warm pajamas and crawling under some nice thick quilts on a cold winter night.
I now do this every night. My normally thick dark hair on my legs that I hate shaving because I don't have time is thinner and softer. My skin is soft, glowing and hydrated. My hair is shiny and healthy. And I sleep much better as I have time to relax and spend by myself without any worries. It's amazing.
I found it wasn't me - there wasn't a problem with my skin or my hair. It was the products I was using and how I was using them. My hair has never looked this beautiful and my skin has never been this soft. And now mornings are a breeze as I roll out of bed, run a straightener through my hair, put on some eye make-up and I'm ready to roll. It's actually taken out a lot of stress in the mornings. And now I get to work earlier so I can leave earlier and I have more time to spend with my children.
And when you're a working mother with two small children, anything that helps release stress and allows you more time with your family is a complete win.
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