It's no secret that parents, especially stay-at-home parents, are part Superhero. But just in case you aren't convinced, here's the proof you need.
1) Strength
Many superheros have superhuman strength. Parents are no different. Ever hear of that parent that lifted a car off their child that was pinned underneath? Yeah, I'd believe that one.
This isn't a rare occurrence, however. I can proudly say that I dead lift 26 pounds (the weight of my toddler) multiple times a day. I also carry around 16 pounds (the weight of my infant) all day. In fact, my arms are the most toned part of my body and I often get compliments on them. "Do you work out? What's your secret?" To which I laugh and say "I'm a mom."
2) Bravery
Being a parent requires a lot of bravery. Ever heard the term " blow out" when referring to a dirty diaper? Yeah, it takes a certain amount of bravery to tackle that one. Bravery is also required when venturing into a quiet room where two children are playing, as you have to be mentally and physically prepared for whatever you might encounter.
3) Intelligence
This is especially important when children start developing the art of negotiation and altering of the truth. There is a special kind of intelligence needed to be smarter than a child. Ever walk into one of those moments where both kids are crying and each have a different story? Yeah, pretty sure that one isn't on the SATs. And let's not forget those "minimal assembly required" toys that actually require a PhD in Toy Assembly (which none of us went to college for).
4) Special Powers
Each superhero has their own special talent. Mine happens to be multi-tasking with one hand. Fold this laundry while holding the baby? Sure, no problem. Cook a delicious and nutritious supper with one hand? Done. In fact, I'm typing 90% of this with one hand.
5) Athletic
Kickball, sledding, hiking full laundry baskets up and down the stairs, lifting up and down, running across the room and sweeping your child into your arms even though you know they are okay and are more scared than anything. Yes, athleticism required.
6) Has a sidekick
Three, actually. And they are some of the cutest, smartest and most develish sidekicks that any superhero would have the pleasure of working with.
7) Has a lair or "hideout"
Mine is the bedroom. When I need a break, I sneak in there with a chocolate bar, turn on some HGTV, and chill out for 10 minutes. At the end of the day, it's my sanctuary from the world where I can take a hot shower and crawl into a nice warm bed to recharge.
8) Has a secret identity/alter ego
During the day, I am Mommy. When I get the chance, I am Tallena, a woman that likes to drink beer by bonfires or go out for drinks and dancing with her friends. There's nothing quite like the look on your child's face when you trade in the sweatpants for a dress and heels. Who is this woman? my children wonder. Someday you will hear of her and all her wonderful adventures...
9) Has a weakness
Mine is the fear that something bad will
happen to my babies and I won't be able to save them. All parents feel
this. Our children, the one thing were sworn to protect and love, is our
greatest weakness.
10) Role Model
This one is especially important. Your kids learn
from you. They repeat your words and your actions, and there is nothing
more eye-opening than seeing your burst of anger repeated in mini-me
fashion. We are here to teach our kids, every second of every day. Be the true superhero they deserve.
My cape is invisible, but my super powers are seen every day. I am a real live modern day superhero. I am a parent.
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Monday, February 24, 2014
The Potty Training Diaries: Part 1
I was terrified.
My daughter, a mere 20 months old, took off her diaper, walked to the bathroom and pointed at the toilet.
I began having flashbacks to when my son started potty training. Here's the deal: it took us about 2 years to potty train our son. It was my fault, in all truth. I did everything wrong and by the time I realized it, it was too late. He's my first child and I had little patience and high expectations. Luckily, my patience has gotten much greater and my expectations much more realistic now that we're on #3. Plus, I was pregnant, which for me was like having raging PMS for 10 months (no lie, ask my husband, mother, best friends, the guy at the gas station, etc).
Anyway, when my daughter instigated that she was ready to use the potty instead of diapers, I did a happy dance. That happy dance slowly turned into me curled up in the fetal position crying in the corner. What if I made all the same mistakes all over again? I didn't want to do that to her, but could it be stopped?
So far, yes. And here's how.
Step 1: Research and Prepare
Research potty training? Seriously? Don't you just show them what to do and that's it? No, and this was one of my cardinal mistakes with my son. I read articles upon articles on what to do and what not to do. I reached out to every parent I knew for tips and advice. I learned about different techniques. Then I bought things. Books, movies, a potty chair, underwear, pull-ups. I also bought carpet cleaner and treats for when she was successful. This is important - you need a reward system. For my kids, M&Ms work great because they are small. Also, my kids love food and I am not ashamed to bribe them with it. Other fun rewards can be stickers, small toys, cuddle time with mommy, anything that your child wants and will see as something special. My husband had to take away the credit card.
Before I could start, however, I had to prepare my daughter. I showed her what the potty was. I let her watch me and her brother go potty (which was already happening, but now came with narration). We read the books, watched the movies and talked about diapers. I showed her the new pretty underwear we bought for her. I explained that her sister is a baby and needs diapers, but her brother is big and goes in the potty. I got her really excited to use the potty and in the process, replaced my own fears with excitement as well.
Step 2: Make It Easy
A friend of mine told me she put the potty right in the living room and sat with her son all day. He sat on the potty and watched movies while she sat with him and fed him juice. I tried it. It worked. I was shocked. Why hadn't I thought of that with my first one?
At first, she didn't want to sit on the potty. The first day, I sat with her for an hour before she went pee. It was very fun for the first 15 minutes. Then she got antsy and didn't want to sit anymore. We read books, sang songs and played with toys. I even did a few puppet shows for her. Anything to keep her preoccupied. When she did go potty, she didn't even realize she was going at first until it made a sound. We did this for a weekend and by the end, she had the hang of using her potty and didn't need to sit on it all the time.
Note: This required constant attention from both her and me. To accomplish this, my oldest got to spend the weekend at grandma's. That was the real key to the success. There was no way she was going to sit on the potty for hours if her brother was running around playing. Also, I sat with her when the baby was sleeping, to ensure there were very few distractions.
Here comes a very important part. Going to the bathroom is scary for kids because it is a whole new experience for them. Once she used the potty, I made a huge deal of it. I clapped my hands and said Hooray! I gave her a hug and kiss and told her I love her and that she was a very good big girl. I gave her a treat. I hugged her and kissed her some more and reinforced that going pee in the potty was a very good thing. This will help take away that fear and let them know it's okay. We still celebrate like this.
Step 3: Be Patient
My daughter had used the potty. Success! But it was too soon to start shouting it from the rooftops that I had potty trained my daughter. I soon found that if she was wearing a diaper, she'd pee/poop in it. Same if she was wearing a pull-up or underwear. Solution: let her run around naked. She peed on the floor. She stood right there in the living room and watched pee run down her tiny little legs, then looked at me with tears and fear in her eyes. She knew she'd done wrong.
With my first, I would have gotten mad. With her, I quickly grabbed a towel and wiped her up, telling her in a calm voice that it was okay and that next time we will sit on the potty. Next time, she sat on the potty. The time after that, she went on the floor. Within a week, she was peeing/pooping in the potty consistently.
I did lose my patience a few times, not going to lie. However, every time I wanted to yell at her, I thought of my son. Things were going so great with my daughter, I didn't want to ruin it now. I did tell her, as I was cleaning up her pee from the carpet, that going on the floor was naughty but that going on the potty was good. Then, instead of focusing on the naughty mess on the floor, I reminded her how fun it was to go on the potty and be clean and dry and get treats. By talking about it like this, I was focusing on the good and making myself calm down too.
Step 4: One Step at a Time
My daughter has now been using the potty for about a month. However, she can't run around naked all her life. So we started all over again, but this time with underwear on.
After breakfast, we get dressed. Up until now, my daughter only wore a shirt. Then one day, we put on underwear (only - no pants yet). To my daughter, it felt like a diaper, so it was like starting all over again. Before long, she came running to me crying with wet underwear. Calmly, we changed her underwear and went back to the living room. I stopped what I was doing and sat in the living room with her. When she had to go again, she stopped and touched her underwear. I brought her to the potty and helped take them off. She sat and went potty, then we put the underwear back on before emptying the potty and getting treats. I spent the rest of the day watching her and gently reminded her that if she needed to go potty, she had to take off her underwear and use the potty. After a few days, she had it.
Children will give off cues when they have to pee/poop. By paying attention, you will learn these cues and stop accidents before they happen. For example, when my daughter needed to poop, she would try put on a diaper or pull-up. I learned what this meant and that was how we started going poop on the potty as well (another scary adventure for kids).
That is how far we are now. In a few weeks, when she's mastered underwear, we'll add pants and start over. Once we've mastered that, we'll move the potty into the bathroom and start over again. When she's used to using the potty in the bathroom and is a little bigger, we'll move onto the big potty and start over again. Will it take a lot of time? Yes, but it should. Think of the last time you learned something. Were you an expert in a weekend? It's the same thing with going to the potty. You will start over many times, but it will get easier. Celebrate the successes and learn from the messes. Children are smart and you can explain things to them and show them and they will learn. Repetition, consistency and rewards are all part of it.
On a funny note, my son taught my daughter to "shake" like he does. She's pretty good at it, too.
My daughter, a mere 20 months old, took off her diaper, walked to the bathroom and pointed at the toilet.
I began having flashbacks to when my son started potty training. Here's the deal: it took us about 2 years to potty train our son. It was my fault, in all truth. I did everything wrong and by the time I realized it, it was too late. He's my first child and I had little patience and high expectations. Luckily, my patience has gotten much greater and my expectations much more realistic now that we're on #3. Plus, I was pregnant, which for me was like having raging PMS for 10 months (no lie, ask my husband, mother, best friends, the guy at the gas station, etc).
Anyway, when my daughter instigated that she was ready to use the potty instead of diapers, I did a happy dance. That happy dance slowly turned into me curled up in the fetal position crying in the corner. What if I made all the same mistakes all over again? I didn't want to do that to her, but could it be stopped?
So far, yes. And here's how.
Step 1: Research and Prepare
Research potty training? Seriously? Don't you just show them what to do and that's it? No, and this was one of my cardinal mistakes with my son. I read articles upon articles on what to do and what not to do. I reached out to every parent I knew for tips and advice. I learned about different techniques. Then I bought things. Books, movies, a potty chair, underwear, pull-ups. I also bought carpet cleaner and treats for when she was successful. This is important - you need a reward system. For my kids, M&Ms work great because they are small. Also, my kids love food and I am not ashamed to bribe them with it. Other fun rewards can be stickers, small toys, cuddle time with mommy, anything that your child wants and will see as something special. My husband had to take away the credit card.
Before I could start, however, I had to prepare my daughter. I showed her what the potty was. I let her watch me and her brother go potty (which was already happening, but now came with narration). We read the books, watched the movies and talked about diapers. I showed her the new pretty underwear we bought for her. I explained that her sister is a baby and needs diapers, but her brother is big and goes in the potty. I got her really excited to use the potty and in the process, replaced my own fears with excitement as well.
Step 2: Make It Easy
A friend of mine told me she put the potty right in the living room and sat with her son all day. He sat on the potty and watched movies while she sat with him and fed him juice. I tried it. It worked. I was shocked. Why hadn't I thought of that with my first one?
At first, she didn't want to sit on the potty. The first day, I sat with her for an hour before she went pee. It was very fun for the first 15 minutes. Then she got antsy and didn't want to sit anymore. We read books, sang songs and played with toys. I even did a few puppet shows for her. Anything to keep her preoccupied. When she did go potty, she didn't even realize she was going at first until it made a sound. We did this for a weekend and by the end, she had the hang of using her potty and didn't need to sit on it all the time.
Note: This required constant attention from both her and me. To accomplish this, my oldest got to spend the weekend at grandma's. That was the real key to the success. There was no way she was going to sit on the potty for hours if her brother was running around playing. Also, I sat with her when the baby was sleeping, to ensure there were very few distractions.
Here comes a very important part. Going to the bathroom is scary for kids because it is a whole new experience for them. Once she used the potty, I made a huge deal of it. I clapped my hands and said Hooray! I gave her a hug and kiss and told her I love her and that she was a very good big girl. I gave her a treat. I hugged her and kissed her some more and reinforced that going pee in the potty was a very good thing. This will help take away that fear and let them know it's okay. We still celebrate like this.
Step 3: Be Patient
My daughter had used the potty. Success! But it was too soon to start shouting it from the rooftops that I had potty trained my daughter. I soon found that if she was wearing a diaper, she'd pee/poop in it. Same if she was wearing a pull-up or underwear. Solution: let her run around naked. She peed on the floor. She stood right there in the living room and watched pee run down her tiny little legs, then looked at me with tears and fear in her eyes. She knew she'd done wrong.
With my first, I would have gotten mad. With her, I quickly grabbed a towel and wiped her up, telling her in a calm voice that it was okay and that next time we will sit on the potty. Next time, she sat on the potty. The time after that, she went on the floor. Within a week, she was peeing/pooping in the potty consistently.
I did lose my patience a few times, not going to lie. However, every time I wanted to yell at her, I thought of my son. Things were going so great with my daughter, I didn't want to ruin it now. I did tell her, as I was cleaning up her pee from the carpet, that going on the floor was naughty but that going on the potty was good. Then, instead of focusing on the naughty mess on the floor, I reminded her how fun it was to go on the potty and be clean and dry and get treats. By talking about it like this, I was focusing on the good and making myself calm down too.
Step 4: One Step at a Time
My daughter has now been using the potty for about a month. However, she can't run around naked all her life. So we started all over again, but this time with underwear on.
After breakfast, we get dressed. Up until now, my daughter only wore a shirt. Then one day, we put on underwear (only - no pants yet). To my daughter, it felt like a diaper, so it was like starting all over again. Before long, she came running to me crying with wet underwear. Calmly, we changed her underwear and went back to the living room. I stopped what I was doing and sat in the living room with her. When she had to go again, she stopped and touched her underwear. I brought her to the potty and helped take them off. She sat and went potty, then we put the underwear back on before emptying the potty and getting treats. I spent the rest of the day watching her and gently reminded her that if she needed to go potty, she had to take off her underwear and use the potty. After a few days, she had it.
Children will give off cues when they have to pee/poop. By paying attention, you will learn these cues and stop accidents before they happen. For example, when my daughter needed to poop, she would try put on a diaper or pull-up. I learned what this meant and that was how we started going poop on the potty as well (another scary adventure for kids).
That is how far we are now. In a few weeks, when she's mastered underwear, we'll add pants and start over. Once we've mastered that, we'll move the potty into the bathroom and start over again. When she's used to using the potty in the bathroom and is a little bigger, we'll move onto the big potty and start over again. Will it take a lot of time? Yes, but it should. Think of the last time you learned something. Were you an expert in a weekend? It's the same thing with going to the potty. You will start over many times, but it will get easier. Celebrate the successes and learn from the messes. Children are smart and you can explain things to them and show them and they will learn. Repetition, consistency and rewards are all part of it.
On a funny note, my son taught my daughter to "shake" like he does. She's pretty good at it, too.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
How to Fail as a Parent
I've decided that failure is indeed an option....
And sometimes, it's the best option you have. But here's the thing - after you accept defeat, throw you hands up in the air and just give in - you can let go, and move on. You can breathe in the good and breathe out the bad.
I'm on day two of being a stay-at-home mom, and this is what I've learned.
That, and that I just might need to lighten up a little bit. Because this parenting thing is super hard, and my kids won't always listen the first time. Or the second. Or third, or fourth. And the key is that I can't lose my patience with them. Mostly because me throwing a fit (and I mean literally throwing something across the room in a fit of rage) has only taught them that behaving like that is okay, so I can't really yell at them when they do the same thing - but I yell at them anyways, and thus begins a vicious cycle.
I find myself asking what I'm trying to accomplish anyway. I told my son that we were going to pick up the toys in the living room before bed. He refused. I asked again. He refused. I got mad - and down hill it went. The kind of down hill when you go skiing for the first time and you've mastered the bunny hill so you take on the biggest, baddest mountain they've got, but you forget to swerve and before you know it you're rocketing down a steep ass icy mountain on a pair of skis that apparently have rockets attached - tears of fear whipping off your face - those same tears making you blind which you think would be better but it's really not - and then you find yourself in a jumble of snow and skis but no pride or ego at the bottom of the hill. Yeah, that kind of downhill.
So what was I trying to teach him again? How to be responsible? He's 4. FOUR. He has his whole like to be responsible. Was I trying to teach him to be nice to his possessions? Because those are the things in life that really matter - a plastic toy?
And why did he react so badly? Was he trying to piss me off (which he says now, by the way, because apparently it's not a good idea to be blatantly honest about your feelings with your 4-year old)? Yes, that must have been it. Maybe, just maybe, he just didn't want to pick up his toys. Maybe, just maybe, he wanted to hang out and play with me instead.
And there it is. The ever-present Mother Guilt. Every mother has it, and it's an evil creature if there ever was one. Because now I'm sitting here while my son is in his room (doing something, I don't know because I gave up. See beginning for more info) and all the while all he wanted to do was play with me. This makes perfect sense, especially since I devote all of my time to his baby sister, or cleaning the house, or cooking food, or napping.
And it's day two, and I've failed as a parent. What do I do now? I toss my hands in the air, and move on. Start over. I go into his room and hang out with him. I try do better tomorrow. Maybe I will, maybe I won't, we'll see how it goes.
But first, I'm gonna have one more yogurt cup all to myself.....
And sometimes, it's the best option you have. But here's the thing - after you accept defeat, throw you hands up in the air and just give in - you can let go, and move on. You can breathe in the good and breathe out the bad.
I'm on day two of being a stay-at-home mom, and this is what I've learned.
That, and that I just might need to lighten up a little bit. Because this parenting thing is super hard, and my kids won't always listen the first time. Or the second. Or third, or fourth. And the key is that I can't lose my patience with them. Mostly because me throwing a fit (and I mean literally throwing something across the room in a fit of rage) has only taught them that behaving like that is okay, so I can't really yell at them when they do the same thing - but I yell at them anyways, and thus begins a vicious cycle.
I find myself asking what I'm trying to accomplish anyway. I told my son that we were going to pick up the toys in the living room before bed. He refused. I asked again. He refused. I got mad - and down hill it went. The kind of down hill when you go skiing for the first time and you've mastered the bunny hill so you take on the biggest, baddest mountain they've got, but you forget to swerve and before you know it you're rocketing down a steep ass icy mountain on a pair of skis that apparently have rockets attached - tears of fear whipping off your face - those same tears making you blind which you think would be better but it's really not - and then you find yourself in a jumble of snow and skis but no pride or ego at the bottom of the hill. Yeah, that kind of downhill.
So what was I trying to teach him again? How to be responsible? He's 4. FOUR. He has his whole like to be responsible. Was I trying to teach him to be nice to his possessions? Because those are the things in life that really matter - a plastic toy?
And why did he react so badly? Was he trying to piss me off (which he says now, by the way, because apparently it's not a good idea to be blatantly honest about your feelings with your 4-year old)? Yes, that must have been it. Maybe, just maybe, he just didn't want to pick up his toys. Maybe, just maybe, he wanted to hang out and play with me instead.
And there it is. The ever-present Mother Guilt. Every mother has it, and it's an evil creature if there ever was one. Because now I'm sitting here while my son is in his room (doing something, I don't know because I gave up. See beginning for more info) and all the while all he wanted to do was play with me. This makes perfect sense, especially since I devote all of my time to his baby sister, or cleaning the house, or cooking food, or napping.
And it's day two, and I've failed as a parent. What do I do now? I toss my hands in the air, and move on. Start over. I go into his room and hang out with him. I try do better tomorrow. Maybe I will, maybe I won't, we'll see how it goes.
But first, I'm gonna have one more yogurt cup all to myself.....
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