I've decided that failure is indeed an option....
And sometimes, it's the best option you have. But here's the thing - after you accept defeat, throw you hands up in the air and just give in - you can let go, and move on. You can breathe in the good and breathe out the bad.
I'm on day two of being a stay-at-home mom, and this is what I've learned.
That, and that I just might need to lighten up a little bit. Because this parenting thing is super hard, and my kids won't always listen the first time. Or the second. Or third, or fourth. And the key is that I can't lose my patience with them. Mostly because me throwing a fit (and I mean literally throwing something across the room in a fit of rage) has only taught them that behaving like that is okay, so I can't really yell at them when they do the same thing - but I yell at them anyways, and thus begins a vicious cycle.
I find myself asking what I'm trying to accomplish anyway. I told my son that we were going to pick up the toys in the living room before bed. He refused. I asked again. He refused. I got mad - and down hill it went. The kind of down hill when you go skiing for the first time and you've mastered the bunny hill so you take on the biggest, baddest mountain they've got, but you forget to swerve and before you know it you're rocketing down a steep ass icy mountain on a pair of skis that apparently have rockets attached - tears of fear whipping off your face - those same tears making you blind which you think would be better but it's really not - and then you find yourself in a jumble of snow and skis but no pride or ego at the bottom of the hill. Yeah, that kind of downhill.
So what was I trying to teach him again? How to be responsible? He's 4. FOUR. He has his whole like to be responsible. Was I trying to teach him to be nice to his possessions? Because those are the things in life that really matter - a plastic toy?
And why did he react so badly? Was he trying to piss me off (which he says now, by the way, because apparently it's not a good idea to be blatantly honest about your feelings with your 4-year old)? Yes, that must have been it. Maybe, just maybe, he just didn't want to pick up his toys. Maybe, just maybe, he wanted to hang out and play with me instead.
And there it is. The ever-present Mother Guilt. Every mother has it, and it's an evil creature if there ever was one. Because now I'm sitting here while my son is in his room (doing something, I don't know because I gave up. See beginning for more info) and all the while all he wanted to do was play with me. This makes perfect sense, especially since I devote all of my time to his baby sister, or cleaning the house, or cooking food, or napping.
And it's day two, and I've failed as a parent. What do I do now? I toss my hands in the air, and move on. Start over. I go into his room and hang out with him. I try do better tomorrow. Maybe I will, maybe I won't, we'll see how it goes.
But first, I'm gonna have one more yogurt cup all to myself.....
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Saturday, January 26, 2013
A Nighttime Rendezvous
I've been trying a new beauty routine for a few weeks now, and I'm pretty happy with the results. Naturally, I need to share this.
First, I began taking showers at night. I've always been a morning shower person, simply because within 8 hours my hair starts to collect a lot of oil and it begins to look like I haven't showered in days. However, taking showers at night was an adjustment I had to make. See, I can only work until about 4pm - 4:30pm at the latest. If I work until 5 or later, then it's 6pm by the time I get home with the kids, 7pm by the time supper is ready, and then it's baths and bed all smashed into an hour, which usually produces crabby children and leaves zero play time after we haven't seen each other all day anyway. This was just unacceptable.
However, in order to leave work by 4pm, I had to get there by 7am. Between getting the kids up and ready, packing everything for them and myself into the car (extra clothes for daycare, blankets, diapers, my lunch, etc), plus me getting up and ready, I was looking at an alarm time of 4am. Yes. 4am. When it was just Jackson, no worries. I could get up at 4:30am and be fine. Add in a second child and my body began to protest. 4:30am would turn into 5am, which sometimes would become 5:30am, and on those really tough days, 6am. If I get up at 6am, it's at least 8am before I'm at work, and it's generally frowned upon to show up late and leave early - at least multiple days in a row.
So I made the switch out of necessity. Plus, as any other parent out there can attest to, sometimes a shower is the only "me" time one can get, and taking this time while I was groggy and still semi-unconscious in the morning wasn't doing me any favors. At night though, the kids are sleeping, I've had a chance to clean the house, and I can totally relax and get ready for bed. And there really is nothing quite like climbing into a nice warm bed after you're all squeaky clean.
I was hesitant, though, as I'd tried this before but it never worked out. As I mentioned, my hair is pretty oily, something that has always been a problem for me. It continued to be oily for the first few weeks. By 4pm at work, I was wearing my winter hat and telling people I was cold. Little did they realize that I was hiding an oil slick under there.
I stuck it out because I was beginning to see some very positive results. First, I had a lot more time in the morning. I wasn't dreading jumping out from under nice warm covers, just to strip myself naked in the freezing bathroom, jump into hot water, and jump back out into the cold air again.
The biggest difference was in my hair. Yes, it looked oily and lifeless by the end of the day and felt pretty gross at the scalp, but as my hair was clean and dry in the morning, I wasn't using my blow-dryer anymore. The only thing I had to use was my straightener, and only for a quick run through. My long hair, which was normally dry and frizzy, became sleek and shiny. And after a few weeks, my hair becomes much less oily during the day. Now, you can't hardly tell that it's been 16+ hours since I've taken a shower, and I've retired wearing my hat at work.
Something else positive happened as well. I'd heard of using oil to wash your face, and while I didn't have the kinds of oil that the recipe called for, I did have baby oil. My face, kind of like my hair, has a split personality between dry and oily. In the mornings after washing, it's dry and tight. In the afternoon, it's oily and shiny. All along I thought it was my skin, but it turned out to be the products I was using. I replaced my face lotion with baby oil - just enough to dampen a cotton swab and rub all over my face. I was worried that this may cause some acne outbreaks, but it didn't. In fact, my face was smooth and glowing. The blotchy red patches that were appearing under my eyes (which a lot of the women in my family have due to our voluminous cheeks) disappeared and the rest of my skin tone evened out. I stopped wearing foundation because I didn't have to. My face wasn't shiny or oily by the end of the day. It was amazing.
Naturally, I started using the baby oil more liberally. If it can do that to my face, what about my legs that are always a little dry? I've found a few lotions that work amazing on dry skin, but they are expensive, and my kids need clothes and food. So I tried the baby oil. Let me tell you - there is something luxurious about getting out of a nice hot shower at night, coating yourself with a little big of baby oil (only a little, we're not talking Playboy photo shoot here), putting on some nice warm pajamas and crawling under some nice thick quilts on a cold winter night.
I now do this every night. My normally thick dark hair on my legs that I hate shaving because I don't have time is thinner and softer. My skin is soft, glowing and hydrated. My hair is shiny and healthy. And I sleep much better as I have time to relax and spend by myself without any worries. It's amazing.
I found it wasn't me - there wasn't a problem with my skin or my hair. It was the products I was using and how I was using them. My hair has never looked this beautiful and my skin has never been this soft. And now mornings are a breeze as I roll out of bed, run a straightener through my hair, put on some eye make-up and I'm ready to roll. It's actually taken out a lot of stress in the mornings. And now I get to work earlier so I can leave earlier and I have more time to spend with my children.
And when you're a working mother with two small children, anything that helps release stress and allows you more time with your family is a complete win.
First, I began taking showers at night. I've always been a morning shower person, simply because within 8 hours my hair starts to collect a lot of oil and it begins to look like I haven't showered in days. However, taking showers at night was an adjustment I had to make. See, I can only work until about 4pm - 4:30pm at the latest. If I work until 5 or later, then it's 6pm by the time I get home with the kids, 7pm by the time supper is ready, and then it's baths and bed all smashed into an hour, which usually produces crabby children and leaves zero play time after we haven't seen each other all day anyway. This was just unacceptable.
However, in order to leave work by 4pm, I had to get there by 7am. Between getting the kids up and ready, packing everything for them and myself into the car (extra clothes for daycare, blankets, diapers, my lunch, etc), plus me getting up and ready, I was looking at an alarm time of 4am. Yes. 4am. When it was just Jackson, no worries. I could get up at 4:30am and be fine. Add in a second child and my body began to protest. 4:30am would turn into 5am, which sometimes would become 5:30am, and on those really tough days, 6am. If I get up at 6am, it's at least 8am before I'm at work, and it's generally frowned upon to show up late and leave early - at least multiple days in a row.
So I made the switch out of necessity. Plus, as any other parent out there can attest to, sometimes a shower is the only "me" time one can get, and taking this time while I was groggy and still semi-unconscious in the morning wasn't doing me any favors. At night though, the kids are sleeping, I've had a chance to clean the house, and I can totally relax and get ready for bed. And there really is nothing quite like climbing into a nice warm bed after you're all squeaky clean.
I was hesitant, though, as I'd tried this before but it never worked out. As I mentioned, my hair is pretty oily, something that has always been a problem for me. It continued to be oily for the first few weeks. By 4pm at work, I was wearing my winter hat and telling people I was cold. Little did they realize that I was hiding an oil slick under there.
I stuck it out because I was beginning to see some very positive results. First, I had a lot more time in the morning. I wasn't dreading jumping out from under nice warm covers, just to strip myself naked in the freezing bathroom, jump into hot water, and jump back out into the cold air again.
The biggest difference was in my hair. Yes, it looked oily and lifeless by the end of the day and felt pretty gross at the scalp, but as my hair was clean and dry in the morning, I wasn't using my blow-dryer anymore. The only thing I had to use was my straightener, and only for a quick run through. My long hair, which was normally dry and frizzy, became sleek and shiny. And after a few weeks, my hair becomes much less oily during the day. Now, you can't hardly tell that it's been 16+ hours since I've taken a shower, and I've retired wearing my hat at work.
Something else positive happened as well. I'd heard of using oil to wash your face, and while I didn't have the kinds of oil that the recipe called for, I did have baby oil. My face, kind of like my hair, has a split personality between dry and oily. In the mornings after washing, it's dry and tight. In the afternoon, it's oily and shiny. All along I thought it was my skin, but it turned out to be the products I was using. I replaced my face lotion with baby oil - just enough to dampen a cotton swab and rub all over my face. I was worried that this may cause some acne outbreaks, but it didn't. In fact, my face was smooth and glowing. The blotchy red patches that were appearing under my eyes (which a lot of the women in my family have due to our voluminous cheeks) disappeared and the rest of my skin tone evened out. I stopped wearing foundation because I didn't have to. My face wasn't shiny or oily by the end of the day. It was amazing.
Naturally, I started using the baby oil more liberally. If it can do that to my face, what about my legs that are always a little dry? I've found a few lotions that work amazing on dry skin, but they are expensive, and my kids need clothes and food. So I tried the baby oil. Let me tell you - there is something luxurious about getting out of a nice hot shower at night, coating yourself with a little big of baby oil (only a little, we're not talking Playboy photo shoot here), putting on some nice warm pajamas and crawling under some nice thick quilts on a cold winter night.
I now do this every night. My normally thick dark hair on my legs that I hate shaving because I don't have time is thinner and softer. My skin is soft, glowing and hydrated. My hair is shiny and healthy. And I sleep much better as I have time to relax and spend by myself without any worries. It's amazing.
I found it wasn't me - there wasn't a problem with my skin or my hair. It was the products I was using and how I was using them. My hair has never looked this beautiful and my skin has never been this soft. And now mornings are a breeze as I roll out of bed, run a straightener through my hair, put on some eye make-up and I'm ready to roll. It's actually taken out a lot of stress in the mornings. And now I get to work earlier so I can leave earlier and I have more time to spend with my children.
And when you're a working mother with two small children, anything that helps release stress and allows you more time with your family is a complete win.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
The Thing We Cherish
Good Morning!
I'm realizing how spoiled I was with my first child - sleep wise, anyway. My son LOVES to sleep. Seriously - this kid thinks nothing of going to bed at 7pm because he's tired. He's always been a wonderful sleeper. He was sleeping through the night at 4 weeks and took multiple, long naps throughout the day until he was 2. He's always been a night owl, but he also loves his sleep.
And then comes my daughter. She is 6 months old, has yet to sleep through the night for a week straight, naps for 20 minutes here or there when she feels like it, and LOVES early mornings. Like this morning - and every other Saturday or Sunday morning - she was up around 6am. Now, you'd think she'd eat and go back to sleep. Nope, not my little early bird. She can drain 8 oz and look up at you with big blue eyes and a smile that says "What are we doing today?"
Luckily, she usually takes a little nap a few hours after waking up - just about the time that my little man is waking up and ready for breakfast.
And that's where we're sitting this morning. Jackson and I are enjoying a wonderful breakfast of baked french toast made from homemade bread. It's pretty damn good - and it's quiet, since only one child is awake. Funny how the noise exponentially increases with children.
The washing machine is also running, as weekends are filled with laundry. And later today I have to vacuum and bake some more bread. How do I know this? Because I do this every weekend. We've built a pretty solid routine of what happens on the weekends, and we like it that way. Both my son and I thrive on structure, and we both tend to get a little cranky if anything happens out of plan. But still, I'm sitting here, sipping my coffee, eating a delicious breakfast with my boy. My husband and daughter are sleeping and the house is peaceful. This is why I cherish my weekends - for these exact moments.
And it all starts at 6am with my daughter's light cries of hunger coming from the nursery. And I wake up thinking "God I'm tired, but today is going to be such a great day."
I'm realizing how spoiled I was with my first child - sleep wise, anyway. My son LOVES to sleep. Seriously - this kid thinks nothing of going to bed at 7pm because he's tired. He's always been a wonderful sleeper. He was sleeping through the night at 4 weeks and took multiple, long naps throughout the day until he was 2. He's always been a night owl, but he also loves his sleep.
And then comes my daughter. She is 6 months old, has yet to sleep through the night for a week straight, naps for 20 minutes here or there when she feels like it, and LOVES early mornings. Like this morning - and every other Saturday or Sunday morning - she was up around 6am. Now, you'd think she'd eat and go back to sleep. Nope, not my little early bird. She can drain 8 oz and look up at you with big blue eyes and a smile that says "What are we doing today?"
Luckily, she usually takes a little nap a few hours after waking up - just about the time that my little man is waking up and ready for breakfast.
And that's where we're sitting this morning. Jackson and I are enjoying a wonderful breakfast of baked french toast made from homemade bread. It's pretty damn good - and it's quiet, since only one child is awake. Funny how the noise exponentially increases with children.
The washing machine is also running, as weekends are filled with laundry. And later today I have to vacuum and bake some more bread. How do I know this? Because I do this every weekend. We've built a pretty solid routine of what happens on the weekends, and we like it that way. Both my son and I thrive on structure, and we both tend to get a little cranky if anything happens out of plan. But still, I'm sitting here, sipping my coffee, eating a delicious breakfast with my boy. My husband and daughter are sleeping and the house is peaceful. This is why I cherish my weekends - for these exact moments.
And it all starts at 6am with my daughter's light cries of hunger coming from the nursery. And I wake up thinking "God I'm tired, but today is going to be such a great day."
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